4 


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HUMOR  IN  ANIMALS 


i 


COPYRIGHT  BY 

G.  P.  PUTNAM'S  SONS 
1885 


Press  of 
G.  P.  Putnam's  Sons 
New  York 


INTRODUCTION. 


\ 


CONTENTS. 


PAGE 

Humor  in  Animals      .   i 

"Bone,"  the  Owl  •  .      .  3 

The  Crane   7 

Crows   14 

Swallows'  Jokes   .  .20 

The  Parrot  Family   25 

Domestic  Fowls   32 

The  Case  of  the  Dodo   33 

Elephantine  Jokes   39 

Dogs  and  their  Fun   43 

Cats   54 

The  Lion's  Reply   61 

The  Facetious  Bear   65 

The  Monkey's  Soliloquy   72 

The  Two  Monkeys   76 

The  Fox's  Views   82 

A  Rat's  Point  of  View   85 

The  Speech  of  the  Ass   88 

Donkey's  Doings.   90 

The  Camel's  Claim   94 

The  Seal   96 

The  Hippopotamus   100 

The  Tortoise  has  his  Say   102 

vii 


HUMOR  IN  ANIMALS. 


7HILE  I  shall  attempt  to  make  my  treatment  of  this  subject 
conform  to  my  title,  yet  I  will  not  promise  to  keep  strictly 
to  it.  Other  elements,  seemingly  foreign,  must  come  in  for  its 
better  elucidation,  and  these  will  give  their  supporting  evidence, 
while  I  trust  that  they  will  be  found  no  less  interesting  than  the 
main  subject. 

The  manner  of  expression  of  the  inferior  animals  is  so  obscure 
and  so  entirely  different  from  that  of  man,  that  we  can  only  know 
their  real  feelings  by  the  closest  study.  They  are  the  victims  of 
our  ignorance.  Even  the  domestic  animals,  so  constantly  associ- 
ated with  mankind,  suffer  continually  from  misunderstandings  ot 
their  intentions  and  motives,  as  well  as  from  ignorance  of  their 
ways  of  thought  and  manner  of  looking  at  things.  It  is  not  a  new 
theory  that  all  human  qualities  are  parcelled  out  among  the  lower 
animals,  each  one  sharing  with  man  such  traits  as  his  needs 
require,  and  no  more.  If  this  were  true,  and  were  all  the  truth, 
there  are  no  exclusively  human  traits,  but  only  animal, — man  being 
the  epitome  of  the  whole.  This  may  be  entirely  true  of  the  well- 
defined  characteristics,  but  certain  sentiments  and  .sv^-attributes,  so 
to  speak,  based  upon  those  possessed  by  all,  are  bestowed  upon 
man  alone  ;  and  of  these  no  lower  creature  can  have  any  concep- 
tion.   They  lift  him  far  above  all  other  animals  that  we  know. 


2  Humor  in  Animals. 

Beyond  the  most  obvious  impulses,  we  have  no  means  of  deter- 
mining the  motive  for  any  act  of  animals  except  by  the  closest 
and  most  careful  study  of  individuals.  Only  by  long-continued 
intimacy  with  one  member  of  a  species  can  we  form  a  base  upon 
which  to  build  a  theory  or  arrive  at  a  just  estimate  of  their  peculiar 
characters.  How  many  human  individuals,  with  all  their  likeness 
of  habits  and  of  expression,  are  past  finding  out!  We  are  often 
astonished  to  discover  traits  in  our  most  intimate  friends  and 
acquaintances  that  we  never  suspected  until  they  were  developed 
by  some  unusual  occasion.  How  much  harder  is  it  to  ascertain 
the  true  feelings  of  those  creatures  whose  language  we  have  hardly 
begun  to  know  ?  We  can  arrive  with  certainty  at  only  a  few  con- 
clusions, and  those,  as  I  have  said,  only  by  the  closest  observation. 

All  animals  are  now  held  by  science  to  be  more  or  less  simi- 
lar in  kind  ;  and  it  is  therefore  not  impossible  that  every  living 
creature  has,  dormant  or  active,  the  quality  of  humor.  It  is,  to  be 
sure,  difficult  for  vivacious  man  to  conceive  of  a  staid  matter-of- 
fact  old  turtle  having  any  fun  in  him.  And  yet,  in  his  solemn  way, 
he  may  have  considerable  mild  enjoyment  of  that  sort,  though  he 
never  expresses  it  by  mirth,  or  even  by  a  smile.  This  is  not  his 
way.  What  might  tickle  his  sluggish  sense  of  drollery  would  not, 
probably,  seem  so  funny  to  ourselves.  No  more  can  we  compre- 
hend where  he  finds  his  domestic  felicity  in- his  slim}-  home,  though 
this  is  undoubtedly  "  as  clear  as  mud  "  to  him.  Certainly  life  must 
have  its  strong  attractions,  even  for  a  turtle.  And  as  he  clings  to 
it  with  great  tenacity  for  an  indefinite  length  of  time,  it  is  not  im- 
probable that  a  little  dull  fun  mingles  in  now  and  then  to  season 
it  withal. 


"  BONE,"  THE  OWL. 


THE  grave  and  philosophical  owl  would  hardly  be  more  readily 
suspected  of  descending  to  jocularity  than  the  tortoise.  But 
I  once  possessed,  for  several  years,  an  interesting  specimen  of  the 
barred  or  gray  owl  ;  and,  as  I  gave  him  careful  study,  I  am  able  to 
write  confidently  of  his  ability  to  stoop  from  his  dignity,  and  even 
to  indulge  in  ludicrous  frolics  at  times.  These  partook  so  much  of 
the  whimsical  as  seemingly  to  carry  them  beyond  mere  playful- 
ness. At  all  events,  my  owl's  grotesque  performances  answered 
every  purpose  of  humor,  and  were  the  cause  of  much  enjoyment 
and  merry  comment  in  the  village,  where  they  rendered  him  quite 
famous.  Whether  intentional  or  not,  "  Bone  " — that  was  his  name 
— was  clearly  recognized  as  a  great  wag. 

He  was  very  fond  of  playing  in  the  water  at  times.  Often  he 
would  repair  to  the  middle  walk  of  the  garden,  where  a  pool  of 
water,  fourteen  inches  deep  or  more,  would  stand  for  some  time 
after  a  heavy  shower.  Here  Bone's  aquatic  performances  were 
eagerly  watched,  the  more  so  because  they  were  always  diversified 
by  something  new,  according  to  the  circumstances.  Upon  one 
occasion,  I  remember,  a  little  box,  a  foot  or  so  square,  that  had 
contained  flower-roots,  had  been  carelessly  left  in  the  path  ;  it  was 
bottom  up,  and  half  the  bottom  was  gone.  The  box  was  but  little 
deeper  than  the  water,  which  brought  its  edge  and  the  remaining 
piece  of  the  bottom  near  the  surface.    This  box  Bone  regarded 

3 


4 


Humor  in  Animals. 


with  much  interest,  and  after  many  quaint  antics  around  it  he 
finally  gave  it  his  entire  attention.  Leaping  upon  the  remaining 
half  of  the  bottom,  he  gazed  with  great  earnestness  into  the  depths 
of  the  open  space,  then  turning,  he  bestowed  upon  the  lookers-on 
an  irresistible  stare  that  caused  much  laughter.  At  this  he  seemed 
to  take  umbrage,  and  replied  by  a  vigorous  snapping  of  his  beak 
in  a  threatening  manner.  Still  he  did  not  consider  the  affront  to 
his  dignity  as  of  sufficient  importance  to  turn  him  from  his  purpose. 
Looking  again  into  the  open  half  of  the  box,  he  jumped  up  over 
the  uncovered  place,  holding  his  great  round  head  high  up,  and 
then  plumped  down  feet  first  into  the  box,  which  forced  his  head 
back  and  tail  forward  until  they  nearly  met  ;  these  were  then  all 
that  could  be  seen  of  Bone  above  the  edge  of  the  box.  Naturally 
my  gray  owl  cut  a  most  absurd  figure  in  this  situation,  and  he 
seemed  to  know  and  enjoy  it,  for  there  he  remained,  turning  his 
head  in  all  directions,  often  bestowing  upon  the  by-standers  that 
same  solemn  gaze  as  before  ;  but  now  he  did  not  seem  to  take 
offence  at  the  consequent  laughter. 

Bone  was  constantly  doing  queer  and  unexpected  things,  the 
motives  of  which  were  more  easily  explained  by  attributing  them 
to  a  sense  of  waggery  than  to  any  thing  else. 

One  afternoon  in  early  autumn  I  was  standing  in  the  front 
yard  near  the  fence  upon  which  the  owl  was  sitting,  when  a  boy  of 
the  village  came  down  the  street  looking  very  anxious  and  solemn. 
He  marched  straight  up  to  the  fence,  not  seeming  to  notice  the 
bird,  who  was  usually  a  great  favorite  with  him,  and  exclaimed  : 
"  Say !  I  've  got  the  canker-rash  ;  do  you  know  any  thing  about 
it  ?  "  (The  canker-rash  was  a  much-dreaded  disease  of  the  mouth, 
often  fatal  among  children.)  At  the  same  time  he  opened  to  the 
fullest  extent  a  mouth  that  was  capacious  enough  to  harbor  any 


5 


6 


Humor  in  Animals. 


amount  of  fatal  disease,  and  closing  his  eyes,  waited  my  inspection. 
The  owl  seeing  this  enormous  cavity  yawning  before  him,  stooped 
down  and  peered  into  it  in  the  most  earnest  and  scientific  manner. 
My  boisterous  mirth  so  grated  upon  the  poor  boy's  feelings,  wrought 
up  as  they  were  by  his  fears,  that  he  cried  with  vexation  and 
threatened  to  "  kill  the  darned  bird  !  "  I  was  soon  able  to  pacify 
him,  however,  for  upon  inquiry  I  found  he  had  been  out  in  the  lots 
eating  green  hazel-nuts,  which,  as  personal  experience  had  taught 
me,  would  often  produce  that  result.  The  revulsion  of  feeling 
from  alarm  to  confidence  restored  his  good  humor,  and  that 
ample  mouth  was  brought  into  requisition  for  the  most  extensive 
grins  of  pleasure. 


THE  CRANE. 


IN  all  respects  save  one  the  crane  is  the  very  antipodes  of 
the  owl.  In  form  and  habits  they  are  unlike  ;  but  each 
bird  is  mysterious  and  secluded.  The  solitary  >>\vl  acts  from  his 
own  undivulged  motives  and  keeps  his  own  counsel.  The  grega- 
rious crane  also  holds  aloof  from  the  world,  and  conducts  himself 
with  entire  independence  of  its  modes,  wishes,  or  opinions.  Each, 
however,  holds  his  share  of  animal  characteristics  according  to 
his  requirements,  and  this  one  of  humor,  I  am  convinced,  from 
observation,  is  a  well-defined  attribute  in  the  composition  of  both. 
In  the  case  of  the  owl  I  have  given  above  such  evidence  as  I 
could  put  i:i  words.  I  know  that  it  may  seem  insufficient  to  the 
reader  who  has  never  had  the  opportunity  of  watching,  analyzing, 
and  comparing  each  little  act  and  peculiarity  with  the  whole, 
rounded  character  of  the  owl,  and  from  this  arriving1  at  his 
conclusions.  But  the  dance  of  the  cranes,  as  often  witnessed  by 
travellers  upon  the  vast  Western  plains,  performed  by  hundreds 
of  individuals,  each  exerting  his  utmost  powers  to  surpass  all 
others  in  extravagance  of  action,  is  more  reasonably  explained 
as  being  a  grand  general  frolic  of  these  strange  birds  than  by 
attributing  it  to  any  other  tribal  motive.  In  a  dance  pure  and 
simple  the  element  of  humor  does  not  necessarily  enter.  But 
dances,  like  every  thing  else,  may  be  employed  for  the  outward 
expression  of  various  sentiments.    The  pleasure  afforded  by  the 


9 


IO 


H rumor  in  Animals. 


"  poetry  of  motion,"  for  instance,  it  is  claimed,  forms  the  chief 
incentive  for  the  dances  of  which  the  young  of  the  human  species 
are  so  fond.  Indians  engage  in  a  frantic  war  dance  before  going 
forth  to  do  battle.  The  "  Shakers  "  have  a  religious  dance  which 
to  them  is  solemn  and  full  of  meaning,  though  to  the  unregenerate 
outside  world  it  seems  irresistibly  funny.  But  certainly  no  one 
would  ascribe  a  religious  meaning  to  this  dance  of  the  cranes.  It 
is  not  at  all  like  a  ballet  dance,  nor  would  it  be  more  reasonable  to 
call  it  a  war  dance  in  imitation  of  their  wild  human  neighbors, 
since  no  fighting  follows  it.  Had  their  ancient  foes,  the  dwarfs, 
emigrated  to  this  continent  and  colonized  on  the  prairies,  it 
might  be  a  reasonable  conjecture  that  the  birds  were  preparing  to 
renew  the  old  warfare  that  Ovid  celebrates,  and  that  this  was  a 
prelude  to  one  of  those  fierce,  picturesque  battles  ;  but  as  the 
dwarfs  are  not  visibly  there,  nor  foe  of  any  sort  save  man,  and  as 
every  feature  of  the  dance  seems  to  justify  the  conclusion,  we  are 
forced  to  the  conviction  that  it  is  the  season  of  fun  and  frolic  with 
these  fowls.  It  is  the  crane  carnival,  the  festival  where  grotesque- 
ness  rules  the  scene  ;  and  that  feeling  is  accompanied  by  a  sense 
of  the  humorous  akin  to  it — in  short,  a  part  of  it.  One  of  these 
performances  in  progress  is  a  strange  and  most  interesting  sight. 
Each  bird  seems  to  use  his  utmost  ingenuity  to  get  himself  into 
absurd  positions  and  go  through  the  most  fantastic  movements, 
thrusting  the  head  close  along  the  ground  and  hopping  upon  one 
foot  with  one  wing  to  support  it,  he  raises  the  other  wing  and  leg 
high  in  air.  Then,  in  a  moment,  he  changes  to  an  upright  posi- 
tion, with  the  head  at  its  utmost  height ;  both  wings  sweep  the  full 
extent  of  their  half  circle,  touching  at  each  extreme,  and  carrying 
the  bird  along  by  a  succession  of  uncouth  leaps.  This  evolution 
suddenly  changes  again  to  a  crouching  run,  with  the  great  wings 


12 


Humor  in  Animals. 


hovering  close  to  the  ground,  as  if  in  pursuit  of  a  fast-fleeing  ser- 
pent ;  and  so  on  through  many  fanciful  evolutions  for  each  one  of 
the  hundreds  of  birds.  There  is  in  all  this  evidently  a  purpose, 
and  that  purpose  can  be  no  other  than  the  enjoyment,  by  each 
performer,  of  the  absurd  contest,  in  which  every  bird,  uncouth  at 
best,  does  his  uttermost  to  look  ridiculous.  The  enjoyment  of  the 
ridiculous  is  the  sense  of  humor. 


13 


CROWS. 


HE  crows  or  ravens  have  undoubtedly  a  large  share  of  the 


birds  would  afford  a  rich  yield  of  anecdote  to  prove  their  claim, 
beyond  all  other  fowls,  except  the  parrot  family.  The  truth  is,  how- 
ever, that  there  is  less  positive  or  direct  evidence  of  humor  in  their 
character  than  in  that  of  the  other  birds  of  which  we  have  spoken  ; 
unless,  indeed,  we  regard  the  love  of  mischief  as  a  proof  of  humor. 
In  that  case  there  is  abundant  testimony.  It  is  difficult  to  account 
satisfactorily  for  the  creature's  irrepressible  instinct  to  steal  and 
hide  away  shining  things.  This  may  be,  however,  a  distant  family 
trait,  a  reflex  of  the  miser  element,  that  is  so  prevalent  in  the 
human  family.  And,  aker  all,  the  great  difference  between  the 
niggard  man  and  the  crow,  seems  to  be  the  bird's  inability  to  dis- 
tinguish between  the  precious  and  baser  metals.  He  takes  "  all 
that  glitters  "  for  gold,  which  lessens  the  labor  of  hoarding  con- 
siderably, and  answers  the  same  purpose  to  him  as  to  the  miser. 
The  raven's  covetousness,  however,  is  not  confined  to  shining 
objects.  Things  attractive  from  color  or  light  and  airy  texture, 
also  excite  his  cupidity. 

In  a  village  where  I  lived  many  years  ago,  a  crow  named  Jim, 
owned  by  a  citizen,  had  the  freedom  of  the  town,  although  he  was 
a  great  pest  and  threats  against  his  life  were  constant.  Notwith- 
standing this  he  was,  upon  the  whole,  a  general  favorite,  and  every 


trait  of  humor.     It  would  be  expected  that  these  sagacious 


15 


i6 


Humor  in  Animals, 


house  seemed  to  be  regarded  by  him  as  his  home.  One  beautiful 
Sabbath  morning,  an  old  lady  stood  before  her  glass  arranging  her 
hair  with  most  scrupulous  care  before  putting  on  her  new  cap  ; 
it  had  come  home  the  night  before,  and  hung  upon  a  chair  near 
the  open  window.  As  she  was  inserting  the  last  hair-pin  a  rushing 
sound  startled  her.  Looking  around  she  saw  Jim,  his  ebon  coat 
shining  in  the  sun  with  alternate  green,  purple,  and  gold.  "  Why 
Jim,  you  beauty  !  "  exclaimed  the  kindly  old  soul,  admiringly,  "  is 
that  you  ?  "  Jim  answered  not  a  word,  but,  glancing  about,  he  cast 
his  eye  upon  that  cap.  One  dash,  and  the  next  moment  saw  him,  as 
also  did  several  early  church-goers,  sailing  over  the  town  with  the 
new  cap  streaming  against  the  sky,  and  all  its  bright  ribbons  fluttering 
behind  !  It  was  the  last  ot  the  cap,  within  mortal  ken  ;  and  I  may 
add  that  the  old  lady  was  moved  by  the  incident  to  change  her 
mind  about  attending  church  that  morning. 

An  old  gentleman  who  had  retired  from  business,  amused  him- 
self by  raising  choice  fruits,  and  took  pride  and  pleasure  in  sending 
to  his  friends  and  neighbors,  baskets  full  of  the  finest  in  their  season. 
But,  on  account  of  the  birds,  and  particularly  on  account  of  Jim,  he 
had  a  world  of  trouble  with  his  cherries.  He  could,  to  be  sure,  set 
the  boys  to  shoot  the  woodpeckers,  and  even  the  robins,  and  cherry- 
birds,  but  to  remove  Jim,  who  had  taken  it  into  his  head  to  meddle 
with  his  ox-hearts,  was  out  of  the  question.  What  was  the  more 
aggravating  was  that  Jim's  ravages  were  so  wanton.  Had  he  only 
stopped  the  work  of  destruction  when  he  had  enough,  there  would 
have  been  a  limit  ;  but  in  his  idleness  he  wasted  indefinite  quanti- 
ties of  fruit,  simply  to  gratify  the  pleasure  he  found  in  seeing  them 
fall  from  the  housetop  to  the  ground.  After  watching  a  cherry 
until  it  struck  the  earth,  he  took  no  further  interest  in  that  experi- 
ment, but  returned  to  the  tree  to  make  another.    Picking  another 


THE  SCARE-CROW. 


17 


1 8  Humor  in  Animals. 

cherry,  he  would  bring  it  back  to  the  ridge  of  the  house,  always 
alighting  a  few  feet  back.  Then,  marching  to  the  gable,  he  would 
let  the  cherry  drop,  at  the  same  time  turning  his  head,  to  watch  its 
descent  with  one  eye — after  the  manner  of  all  fowls.  This  pastime 
he  would  keep  up  for  hours  together,  to  the  great  annoyance  of  the 
old  gentleman,  but,  it  must  be  confessed,  to  the  delight  of  the  vil- 
lagers generally.  It  is  quite  probable  that  the  amusement  of  these 
idlers  formed  a  part  of  the  inducement  for  Jim  to  continue  the  mis- 
chief. He  began  it  solely  for  his  own  entertainment,  finding  his 
diversion  in  watching  the  fruit  in  its  fall,  and  seeing  it  diminish  as 
it  receded.  It  was  probably  an  interesting  mystery  to  his  unsci- 
entific mind.  But,  being  encouraged  by  the  crowd  of  lookers-on, 
he  took  many  more  of  the  old  man's  cherries  than  he  would 
have  taken  for  his  (  own  entertainment  alone.  In  all  this,  there 
was  something  nearly  allied  to  the  element  of  humor. 

It  is  only  in  the  few  instances  where  nothing  else  will  explain 
the  act,  that  we  are  able  to  say  positively  that  this  attribute  is  not 
confined  to  the  human  family.  But  these  few  cases  are  enough 
to  make  it  certain  that  humor  is  often  felt  and  indulged  in  ways 
outside  of  our  conception,  and  by  animals  that  we  may  never 
have  suspected  to  possess  it.  Where  fowl  or  brute  is  so  constantly 
addicted  to  mischief,  for  mischief's  sake,  it  can  hardly  be  that 
humor  does  not  enter  into  their  performances.  And  it  seems 
strange  that  many  of  the  most  intelligent  creatures  that  are  most 
likely  to  possess  this  quality  in  a  large  degree,  are  so  ambiguous  in 
all  that  they  do,  as  to  show  no  certain  trace  of  this  one  element  in 
any  act.  The  raven  family  are  so  full  of  most  astonishing  cunning 
and  sagacity,  wild  or  tame,  and  in  a  domestic  state  so  constantly 
prone  to  mischief,  it  seems  to  me  they  must  be  possessed  of 
humor  as  well,  yet  I  am  unable  to  point  to  a  single  instance  to 


Crows. 


19 


positively  prove  it.  They  soon  learn  that  which  is  of  any  advantage 
for  them.  How  well  they  know  the  use  the  farmer  has  for  a  gun ! 
How  well  they  distinguish  its  form  from  that  of  a  hoe,  rake,  crowbar, 
or  any  l'ke  implement  that  he  carries  !  The  crow  studies  out  all 
man's  devices  for  entrapping  or  frightening  him.  It  requires  but  a 
short  acquaintance  to  render  the  "  scare-crow  "  a  misnomer,  and  he  is 
quite  shrewd  enough  to  understand  why  the  stuffed  image  is  placed 
in  the  field.  And  I  ma)'  add  here  that  it  is  well  he  is  able  to  pro- 
tect himself  against  these  indiscreet  efforts  to  exterminate  him. 
Notwithstanding  his  forays  upon  planted  fields,  the  protection  that 
he  gives  to  the  crops  far  exceeds  h's  encroachments  upon  them. 
The  farmer  could  better  afford  to  sow  a  double,  yes,  a  quadruple 
quantity  of  seed,  than  dispense  with  his  services  as  a  worm-  and 
insect-destroyer. 


SWALLOWS'  JOKES. 


AN  incident  which  I  have  just  heard  from  a  most  reliable  source, 
seems  to  me — though  not  furnishing  conclusive  evidence — 
a  fair  proof  that  swallows  are  also  possessed  of  humor.  No  one  who 
has  watched  these  sprightly  creatures  in  their  flight,  now  skimming 
close  to  the  surface  of  the  still  lake,  their  reflected  forms  seeming 
to  double  their  numbers,  now  mounting  high  over  the  tree  tops 
and  houses,  darting  here  and  there  and  making  the  calm  sky 
lively  with  their  airy  gambols,  can  doubt  the  joyousness  of  their 
existence.  Nor  can  the  careful  observer  of  general  nature  have 
failed  to  observe  that  the  exhilaration  of  such  buoyant  pleasures 
develops  a  spirit  of  mischief,  and,  as  I  have  before  said,  this  spirit 
is  but  another  phase  or  form  of  humor.  But  to  my  story.  My 
friend,  who  is  the  principal  of  a  military  academy,  told  me  that 
when  he  took  possession  of  his  present  flourishing  institution  and 
brought  his  family  to  the  establishment,  it  had  been  some  t'me  de- 
serted, having  run  down  entirely  under  the  preceding  administra- 
tion. The  rambling  old  building  was  uninhabited,  save  by  a  colony 
of  chimney  swallows  who  had  their  numerous  nests  in  the  ample 
old-fashioned  chimney,  and  were  sporting  in  vast  numbers  in  the 
great  kitchen,  which  they  entered  from  the  fireplace,  as  well  as 
through  a  window  that  had  been  left  open.  He  had  brought  with 
him  a  corps  of  servants  ready  to  put  the  place  in  order  at  once,  and 
to  prepare  it  for  occupancy.     Among  these  servants  was  an  Irish 

20 


21 


22 


Humor  in  Animals. 


cook,  as  massive  as  became  her  occupation,  and  excitable,  super- 
stitious, and  exuberant  as  became  her  nationality.  Immediately 
upon  arriving,  this  sturdy  cook  waddled  down  the  stairs  to  inspect 
the  kitchen  ;  upon  thrusting  open  the  cobwebby  door  she  found 
herself  an  intruder  upon  her  own  precincts,  as  it  were.  She  was 
overwhelmed  at  the  presence  of  so  much  company  ;  as  she  herself 
expressed  it,  she  stood  spachless  /  The  birds  also  were  thrown  into 
great  perturbation  by  the  unwonted  visitation,  darting  wildly  about 
the  room,  and  making  a  perfect  din  of  twitter.  The  master,  who 
happened  to  be  where  he  could  look  through  a  side  window,  was 
an  interested  witness,  and  described  the  scene  to  me.  As  the  cook 
did  not  move  from  the  spot  where  she  stood,  the  little  creatures  be- 
gan to  regain  confidence,  and  seemed  to  regard  her  more  with 
curiosity  than  fear,  and  grew  continually  bolder  as  they  saw  no 
effort  to  restrain  them.  Those  outside,  to  be  sure,  would  for  a 
time  approach  the  window,  then  lose  courage,  Avheel,  circle  around 
the  air,  come  again  and  again,  until  they  mustered  courage  to  go 
in  and  investigate  the  bulky  figure  of  the  cook  with  their  fellows, 
darting  across  the  room  at  first,  up  the  chimney,  and  so  on,  around 
to  the  open  window  again,  until  the  whole  colony  became  a  living 
band  circling  around  through  the  kitchen  by  way  of  window  and 
chimney.  All  this  time  the  cook  stood  in  dazed  wonder  !  Still 
the  little  birds,  growing  all  the  while  more  i  npudent,  flew  past  her 
a  black,  fluttering  mass,  and  now  be^an  to  make  little  detours 
towards  her,  which  all  the  time  came  nearer  and  nearer  as  each 
swallow  vied  with  his  leader  in  bravado,  until  they  fairly  flapped 
their  saucy  wings  in  her  very  face,  and  really  seemed  to  greatly 
enjoy  her  consternation  !  But  an  Irish  tongue  cannot  long  remain 
"spachless"  and  cook,  indignant  at  the  impudence  of  the  "little 
bastes"  broke  out  with  all  the  choice  invectives  the  nimble  Celtic 


Swallows  yokes. 


23 


brain  can  conceive  under  the  incentive  of  extraordinary  provoca- 
tion. She  began  to  strike  at  the  creatures  with  both  of  her  plump 
red  hands.  To  dodge  around  them  gave  new  poignancy  to  the 
swallows'  sport,  and  they  indulged  in  it  with  such  zest  and  vigor 
that  the  cook  was  forced  to  seek  refuge  in  Right.  She  labored  up 
the  stairs  again  where  she  presented  herself  before  her  mistress, 
breathless  as  well  as  "  spachless."  Soon  regaining  her  breath, 
however,  speech  followed  presently.  She  entertained  the  lady  for 
half  an  hour  with  a  most  instructive  medley  of  wit,  wisdom, 
nonsense,  drollery,  and  superstition,  until  breath  and  "  spach gave 
out  again.  The  swallows  and  Mrs.  Cook  afterwards  became  good 
friends,  though  the  birds  were  banished  from  the  kitchen. 

My  informant  was  convinced  from  what  he  saw,  that  after  re- 
covering their  confidence,  those  birds  were  well  aware  of  the  effect 
of  their  impudent  assault  upon  the  cook,  and  delighted  at  it.  Had 
he  needed  further  support  for  this  conviction,  the  birds  again 
furnished  it  by  subsequently  attempting  the  same  trick  upon  him- 
self and  wife.  As  the  two  were  seated  upon  the  front  porch  one 
afternoon,  they  observed  the  swallows  circling  nearer  and  nearer  to 
where  they  sat ;  and,  remembering  the  experience  of  the  cook, 
suspected  what  was  premeditated.  The  hall  ran  through  the 
house,  and  both  doors  were  open,  so  that  it  was  evident  the 
birds  had  seen  the  light,  and  contemplated  another  wild  chase 
through  the  hall,  to  end  up  probably  with  attentions  to  them- 
selves. Already  now  and  then  one  darted  under  the  roof  of  the 
porch  over  their  heads,  then  flew  far  away  into  upper  air,  as  if  to 
recover  breath  after  the  daring  exploit.  If  there  had  been  any 
doubt  of  their  design,  it  was  revealed  when  one  brave  fellow 
boldly  entered  the  hall  door.  He  was  scarcely  in,  however,  be- 
fore he  lost  heart,  wheeled  and  out  again  with  a  cry  of  alarm  as 


24- 


Humor  in  Animals. 


if  really  pursued,  and  sailed  swiftly  away  from  danger  and  tempta- 
tion. His  example  was  soon  followed  by  others,  however,  until 
several  entered  boldly.  But  in  the  darkness  of  the  hall  the  nerv- 
ous leader  lost  his  head,  and  consequently  his  way,  getting  into 
the  parlor,  the  door  of  which  was  also  open,  and  there  into  a 
hopeless  muddle.  Of  course,  his  followers  did  not  arrive  at  the 
point  of  paying  their  attentions  to  the  lady  and  gentleman.  Their 
projected  frolic  was  a  failure  ;  and  they  were  only  too  glad  to 
use  the  ways  of  escape — the  parlor  windows  that  were  kindly 
opened  to  them. 


THE  PARROT  FAMILY. 


E  now  come  to  a  family  of  birds  whose  actions  are  so  clear 


»  V  as  to  render  mistake  as  to  their  character  impossible.  There 
can  no  be  misunderstanding  the  motives  for  many,  at  least,  of  the 
acts  and  antics  of  parrots.  This  numerous  family  of  birds,  unique 
in  their  form  and  general  construction,  quaint  in  every  motion,  and 
comical  in  expression,  forms  an  inexhaustible  theme  and  study.  In 
many  respects  parrots  are  distinct  from  all  others  of  the  feathered 
tribe.  As  minutely  observing  as  are  the  ravens,  parrots  are  also 
marvellously  imitative,  especially  of  the  sound  and  tones  of  voice, 
etc.  It  is  doubtful  whether  they  have  any  conception  of  the  im- 
port of  the  words  they  are  taught  to  utter,  but  as  they  are  seldom, 
if  ever,  inapt  in  the  use  of  their  limited  vocabulary,  we  must  con- 
clude that  they  have  something  cf  that  partial  understanding  that 
children  have — that  of  associating  sounds  with  incidents  and  thingfs. 
When  an  occasion  arises  where  an  expression  they  have  learned 
would  be  appropriate  they  are  pretty  sure  to  volunteer  a  remark 
including  it  ;  and  always,  seemingly,  with  more  or  less  waggish  or 
mischievous  intent.  My  friend  is  the  owner  of  a  parrot  who  is  an 
extraordinary  talker.  There  is  never  a  knock  at  the  door  that  he 
does  not  cry  out,  "  Come  in  !  "  When  the  guest  enters,  he  says, 
"  Good-morning,"  without  much  reference  to  the  time  of  day  how- 
ever, and  this  he  follows  up  with  the  inquiry  :  "  Just  come  in  ; 
what  s  the  news  ?  " 


26  Humor  in  Animals. 

Among  other  things,  he  has  been  taught  to  spell  dog,  and 
confirm  the  correctness  of  his  spelling  as  follows  :  "  d-o-g  dog, 
bow-wow,  that  s  right !  "  One  day  his  master  heard  him  repeat- 
ing his  exercise  with  the  "  o  "  left  out — thus  :  "  d-g  dog,  bow-wow, 
that 's  right !  "  and  repeating  it  so  often  and  watching  his  master 
so  close,  my  friend  had  no  doubt  it  was  done  for  the  purpose  of 
provoking  correction.  So  turning  to  the  bird,  he  said:  "  No,  Poll  ; 
that  is  not  right,  d-o-g  dog,  that  is  right,"  "  d-g  dog,  bow-wow, 
that 's  right !  "  returned  the  parrot.  After  correcting  him  several 
times  with  the  same  result,  the  bird  replied,  perhaps  betraying  a 
little  irritation  in  his  voice.  :  "  Well,  it 's  no  matter!  "  and  dropped 
the  subject. 

The  attribute  of  humor  is  undoubtedly  found  among  every 
species  of  parrots.  It  would  be  difficult  to  say,  however,  which 
particular  species  is  endowed  with  the  greater  share.  Its  ex- 
pression in  some  is  vague  and  obscure,  while  in  others  it  is  so 
much  within  the  scope  of  human  understanding,  that  the  meaning 
of  almost  every  act  is  obvious.  A  gentleman  had  a  seemingly 
ungifted  parrot.  He  never  developed  any  particular  sense  until, 
one  day,  he  was  given  a  piece  of  meat  which  the  cat  coveted  and 
climbed  up  to  the  cage  to  purloin.  The  bird  offered  no  resistance, 
but  on  the  contrary  fluttered  about  the  top  of  the  cage  in  great  per- 
turbation and  tremor,  until  in  her  efforts  the  cat  turned  in  such  a 
manner  that  the  tail  fell  between  the  bars  of  the  cage.  The  parrot, 
seeing  this,  seemed  to  forget  his  fear,  dropped  instantly  to  the 
bottom  of  the  cage,  caught  the  obtruding  tail  in  his  strong  beak, 
and  gave  it  such  a  vigorous  pinch  as  sent  the  cat  squalling  to  the 
floor.  Immediately  the  bird  set  up  a  ha  !  ha  !  in  splendid  imita- 
tion of  his  master's  lau^h,  which  he  was  never  before  known  to 
attempt.     Nor  did  he  ever  try  it  again,  for  the  cat  never  gave  him 


THE  CAT  AND  THE  FAR  ROT. 


27 


28 


Humor  in  Animals. 


another  occasion.  This  case  has  a  singular  interest.  The  bird's 
recognition  of  the  fitness  of  the  occasion  showed  that  he  knew 
what  laughter  indicated. 

A  favorite  parrot  that  had  escaped  from  his  cage  was  seen  to 
fly  into  a  small  orchard.  The  alarmed  family  repaired  immediately 
to  the  spot,  taking  the  cage  with  them,  but  the  bird  was  nowhere 
to  be  seen.  For  nearly  two  hours  the  party  searched  in  vain 
among  those  few  trees.  He  could  be  nowhere  else  ;  the  orchard 
was  so  isolated,  that  he  could  not  have  left  it  and  gone  elsewhere 
without  being  observed.  In  the  midst  of  this  search,  a  neighbor's 
son,  seeing  that  something  unusual  was  going  on,  came  through  the 
yard,  and  upon  approaching  the  orchard  wall,  his  eye  was  attracted 
by  a  slight  movement  in  a  thick  clump  of  foliage  of  a  tree  near  the 
entrance.  A  closer  scouting  revealed  the  parrot ;  he  saw  the  green 
head  of  the  bird  peering  out  at  the  searchers,  and  watching  them 
with  such  absorbing  interest  that  he  had  not  seen  or  heard  the 
lad,  who  was  then  able  to  observe  his  movements  without  his 
presence  being  known  to  the  bird. 

The  boy  was  surprised  at  the  evident  intention  of  the  bird  to 
conceal  himself,  but  whether  from  a  spirit  of  mischief  or  with  an 
ultimate  view  of  escape,  he  could  not  determine,  so  watched  his 
motions  with  much  curiosity,  and  stood  long  enough  to  become 
satisfied  that  the  parrot  was  really  enjoying  his  pursuers'  perplexity, 
as  he  took  such  an  engrossing  interest  in  their  movements.  When 
any  one  approached  his  hiding-place,  he  withdrew  his  head  under 
cover  cf  the  leaves  and  remained  perfectly  quiet  until  the  person 
turned  again,  when  the  rascal  would  crane  his  neck  around  to 
watch  the  receding  form,  seemingly  with  great  delight.  At  length 
the  lad,  whose  approach  had  not  been  observed  by  either  party, 
called  out :  "  Here  he  is  !  "    Without  waiting,  the  bird  immediately 


The  Parrot  Family. 


29 


left  his  cover,  stepped  out  upon  the  limb  screaming,  whether  with 
delight  or  anger  none  could  tell  ;  it  might  have  been  the  latter, 
however,  as  he  stopped  to  call  the  boy  a  "  little  devil !  "  And 
when  the  searching  party  came  up  and  his  mistress  chid  him,  he 
innocently  asked  :  "  What  's  the  matter  ?  "  There  was  no  mis- 
taking this  creature's  motives  ;  the  spirit  of  pure  mischief  kept  him 
all  that  time  quiet  in  his  hiding-place,  and  entertained  at  the 
annoyance  and  anxiety  he  was  able  to  inflict. 

I  remember  a  magnificent  cockatoo  that  graced  the  door  of  a 
bird-fancier  many  years  ago.  Over  one  arm  of  his  perch  hung  a 
number  of  wicker  cages  in  which  canary-birds  were  exposed  for 
sale.  It  was  the  cockatoo's  wont  to  creep  under  these,  upon  his 
perch,  unseen  by  the  little  birds,  and  utter  a  scream  that  brought 
pedestrians  to  a  stand-still  for  blocks.  They  turned  and  wondered 
what  was  the  matter,  but  the  splendid  bird,  only  intent  upon  the 
little  canaries,  was  indifferent  to  the  effect  of  his  screech  upon  the 
public.  He  would  raise  his  head  in  front  of  the  cages,  with  crest 
erected,  to  see  if  the  birds  were  frightened,  as  they  probably  were  ; 
but  being  so  closely  confined,  they  had  nothing  to  do  but  sit  still 
and  stare  back  at  him.  Nothing  daunted,  however,  he  tried  it  again 
and  again.    This  was,  of  course,  meant  for  a  joke  on  the  canaries. 

Going  into  a  bird-fancier's  shop  not  long  since,  my  attention 
was  turned  to  a  beautiful  specimen  of  the  scarlet  macaw,  who  sat 
on  a  perch  in  the  middle  of  the  room  in  regal  splendor,  monarch  of 
the  place.  No  sooner  did  he  see  that  I  noticed  him,  than  he  pre- 
sented his  right  claw,  waving  it  up  and  down,  and  said  :  "  How 
d'  ye  do  ?  "  Prudence,  however,  getting  the  better  of  politeness 
with  me,  I  ignored  the  civility  and  went  on  admiring  him  in  such 
phrase  as  should  have  excited  a  feeling  of  gratitude,  if  he  had  hap- 
pened to  have  such  a  sentiment  about  him.    Gratitude  was  evi- 


3Q 


Humor  in  Animals. 


dently  dormant  in  his  make-up.  He  thrust  his  claw  still  farther 
toward  me,  and  repeated  in  a  still  higher  key  :  "  How  d'  ye  do  ?  " 
while  the  shopman  stood  by  smiling.  I  still  paid  no  attention, 
however,  when  the  man  said  :  "  He  wants  to  shake  hands  with 
you."  "  Yes,  I  know,"  said  I  ;  "  and  I  don't  think  that 's  all  he 
wants  !  Would  he  not  bite  my  finger  ?  "  "  Well,  he  might  pinch 
it  a  little,"  said  he,  laughing  outright.  The  macaw  immediately 
uttered  a  cackling  sound  which  passed  for  a  laugh,  and  I  joined  in 
too.  So  we  three  enjoyed  a  hearty  laugh  at  nobody's  expense, 
like  three  jolly  fellows  of  one  race.  It  seemed  to  please  the 
creature  as  much  as  though  he  had  succeeded  in  his  rascally  trick. 
What  prompted  the  bird  ? 

A  plethoric  butcher,  who  ate  too  much  of  his  own  beef  and 
took  too  little  exercise,  kept  in  his  shop  a  very  intelligent  parrot. 
One  day  the  master  fell  dead  in  his  stall.  Poll  saw  it  but  said 
nothing.  Not  knowing  what  to  say,  most  sensibly  he  kept'  his 
mouth  closed,  but  the  curious  bird  became  an  attentive  observer  of 
the  exciting  scene  that  followed.  The  solemn  silence  of  the 
neighboring  marketmen,  as  they  raised  the  body  and  placed  it  upon 
a  bench  and  covered  it  with  a  cloth,  speaking  only  when  occasion 
required,  and  then  in  a  subdued  tone  ;  the  violent  grief  of  the  poor 
widow,  the  broken  sobs  of  other  friends,  seemed  to  impress  Poll 
that  it  was  an  occurrence  too  sacred  for  the  curious  gaze  of  the  out- 
side world,  or,  at  least,  one  so  extraordinary  as  to  require  a  degree 
of  privacy,  and  he  cried  out  in  an  authoritative  tone  :  "  Put  up  the 
shutters  !  "  This,  though  in  itself  a  very  sensible  suggestion,  com- 
ing from  such  a  source,  in  such  a  tone,  was  rather  shocking  ;  and, 
not  knowing  what  might  follow,  it  was  whispered  to  a  near  neigh- 
bor, that  the  bird  had  better  be  removed.  While  this  person  was 
going  with  the  cage  through  a  hall  to  a  beck  room,  the  irrepressible 


The  Parrot  Family. 


3» 


parrot  still  showed  his  interest  in  the  occurrence  by  demanding 
"  What 's  all  iJiis  row  about?  "  Would  a  child  have  been  more  apt  ? 
Could  any  one,  indeed,  have  proposed  any  thing  more  fitting  than 
the  first  remark  ? 

A  little  daughter  of  a  friend  of  mine  has  a  very  clever  parrot, 
not  only  a  great  pet  of  hers,  but  also  a  favorite  in  the  family. 
Naturally,  the  bird  was  not  accustomed  to  neglect.  One 
holiday  the  little  girl  had  a  number  of  her  schoolmates  visiting 
her,  and  for  the  time  forgot  her  pet.  As  the  children  were 
playing  in  the  room  where  Poll's  cage  was  hanging,  the  bird  called 
out  :  "  Polly  wants  a  cracker!  "  The  little  girls,  being  absorbed 
in  their  play,  paid  no  attention  to  his  demand.  Seeing  this,  he 
repeated  :  "  Polly  wants  a  cracker!  "  Still  no  response  ;  when  he 
repeated  it  several  times  in  quick  succession,  then  watched  the 
result ;  but  this  only  elicited  a  merry  laugh  from  the  giddy  children, 
which  seemed  to  irritate  Poll  beyond  endurance,  and  he  cried  in  a 
high  tone,  but  with  measured  distinctness :  "  Pol-ly-wants-a- 
crack-crack-crackcr  !  "  This  brought  the  young  company  all  to  the 
cage,  when  the  little  mistress,  seeing  nothing  there,  exclaimed  : 
"  Sure  enough,  Poll  is  hungry.''    "  Sure  enough  !  "  repeated  Poll. 

I  might  go  on  indefinitely,  repeating  the  sayings  and  doings  of 
these  semi-human  birds,  or,  if  I  may  be  allowed  the  comparison, 
these  feathered  monkeys,  for  they  seem  to  take  that  position  among 
birds.  Among  many  anecdotes  I  have  selected  these  few,  and  for 
all  of  the  facts  that  I  have  not  myself  witnessed,  I  have  good 
authority.  Do  they  not  prove  my  claim,  that  these  creatures 
possess  a  sense  of  humor,  and  also  seem  to  substantiate  my 
theory,  that  the  birds  have  about  the  same  crude  sense  of  the 
meaning  of  words  as  little  children  have,  and,  as  far  as  they  go, 
use  them  pretty  much  in  the  same  manner  ? 


DOMESTIC  FOWLS. 


I CAN  make  out  nothing  about  the  finer  feelings  of  fowls.  They 
express  so  little  character  outwardly,  that  whatever  emotions 
they  may  have,  beyond  the  commonest  physical  pleasures  or  pains, 
are  known  only  to  themselves.  The  peacock  shows  evident  vanity  ; 
the  swan  shows  pride  ;  and  the  strutting  turkey-gobbler  seems  to  feel 
a  sort  of  arrogant  peevish  pride,  as  if  he  knew  how  little  he  had  to 
build  upon,  and  was  in  constant  fear  of  provoking  contempt  rather 
than  respect.  Yet  his  haughty  manner  may  be  no  indication  of 
such  definite  feelings.  At  all  events,  he  is  not  accused  of  possess- 
ing the  sense  we  are  looking  for,  or,  indeed,  any  other.  An 
old  goose  is  always  the  same — an  old  goose  and  nothing  more. 
Nor  do  chickens  show  any  wits  upon  which  to  found  an  argument. 
The  most  visionary  theorist  can  claim  little  for  them,  beyond  their 
usefulness  to  man. 

The  pigeon  family,  at  least  as  we  now  know  it,  forms  no 
exception  to  the  rule  of  dulness.  Still  I  may  put  in  a  sort  of 
family  claim  for  them  through  means  of  a  creature  who  is  a  so- 
journer, at  least  (by  classification),  in  the  ancient  House  of  Pigeons. 
The  reader  will  please  note  the  phraseology.  Not  in  the  pigeon- 
house  or  dove-cote  ;  by  the  House  of  Pigeons  I  mean  their  line,  the 
large  and  respectable  family  of  the  Columbariae. 


32 


THE  CASE  OF  THE  DODO. 


THE  average  man  draws  his  conclusions  from  certain  premises 
that  he  is  loath  to  give  up.  He  refuses  to  accept  a  new  idea 
or  to  look  at  a  subject  in  another  light,  though  he  might  thereby  solve 
a  question  which  he  could  never  understand  from  his  unyielding 
standpoint.  In  his  superficial  study  of  the  lower  animals,  he  asks 
few  questions.  His  first  inquiry  is,  What  is  the  creature's  utility  ? 
That  means,  of  course,  of  what  advantage  is  he  to  man  ?  Has  his 
pelt,  flesh,  bones,  tallow,  mind-  or  muscle-force  any  commercial 
value  ?  If  not,  then  why  was  he  created  ?  For  what  possible 
reason  could  the  creature  have  been  made  ?  That  the  animal  is 
happy,  that  life  to  him  has  charms  which  make  it  precious  and 
constrain  him  to  guard  it  as  zealously  as  man  does  his  own,  is  of 
no  consequence.  He  cannot  conceive  that  a  creature  less  than 
man  could  have  been  created  simply  for  himself,  and  to  augment 
the  sum  of  animal  enjoyment.  On  the  other  hand,  the  learned 
man  feels  a  little  piqued  that  he  has  not  been  taken  into  the  Cre- 
ator's confidence,  and  entrusted  with  his  secrets,  and  had  explained 
to  him  the  reasons  for  his  mysterious  acts,  since  he  has  taken  such 
an  ardent  interest  in  his  affairs.  He  feels  that  his  rights  have  been 
withheld  ;  he  has  pursued  these  studies  so  earnestly,  searched  so 
diligently,  and  found  out  so  little  !  So,  with  lofty  resentment,  he 
ignores  the  Creator  altogether,  and  even  denies  the  existence  of  a 
Supreme  Power,  and  attributes  his  works  to  the  action  of  ever- 

33 


THE  END  OF  THE  DODO 
3--V 


35 


36 


Htimor  in  Animals. 


existing,  self-adjusting  laws,  that  act  by  force,  not  reason,  and 
therefore  can  give  no  reason.  The  scientist  pursues  his  studies 
without  reference  to  an  intelligent,  great  first  cause,  depending, 
when  he  can  do  no  better,  upon  theory  to  supply  all  deficiencies, 
until  something  more  substantial  can  be  found.  One  of  his  most 
puzzling  conundrums,  both  as  to  whence  and  wherefore,  is  the  ex- 
tinct bird  called  the  dodo.  To  add  to  his  perplexity,  the  creature 
went  out  of  existence  some  three  centuries  ago,  and  thus  circum- 
scribed his  opportunities  of  studying  him.  He  has,  nevertheless, 
been  very  diligent  in  his  efforts  to  classify  the  bird.  Beginning 
with  the  ostrich,  he  has  carried  him,  as  it  were,  down  the  whole 
line  of  feathered  tribes,  trying  to  fit  him  in  somczvherc ,  but  seemed 
to  find  no  suitable  niche,  and  each  family  not  only  rejected  this 
relationship,  but  brooded  and  sulked  over  the  indignity,  until,  it  is 
said,  they  finally  rose  in  mass  and  pecked  the  poor  nondescript 
off  the  face  of  the  earth,  and  that  is  what  became  of  the  unfortunate 
dodo.  The  scientific  man  then  prudently  dropped  the  matter  for 
the  time,  and  waited  a  few  centuries  for  the  excitement  to  die  out, 
when  he  quietly  picked  him  up  again  and  foisted  him  upon  the 
pigeons — poor,  helpless,  unoffending  doves  ! 

Lyell  says  that  Mr.  Strickland  agrees  with  Prof.  Reinhardt,  and 
calls  the  dodo  a  vulture-like,  frugiverous  pigeon  !  Now,  that  is  a 
most  discreet  classification  ;  it  is  one  in  which  extremes  meet. 

There  is  a  wide  difference  between  the  vulture  and  pigeon. 
Certainly  as  wide,  generally,  as  the  pigeon  can  conveniently  make 
it !  Wise  Strickland  !  wise  Reinhardt !  A  vulture-like  fruit-eater  ! 
What  could  be  more  comprehensive  ?  Of  course,  the  compound- 
ing of  such  a  vast  amount  of  heterogeneous  matter  must  result  in 
something  that  could  not  be  expected  to  resemble  either  vulture  or 
pigeon  in  any  one  particular.  That  is  why,  probably,  the  two 
birds  the  least  resembling  were  chosen  to  describe  it. 


37 


38 


Humor  in  Animals. 


The  scientist  has  not  much  farther  to  go  with  him,  however  ; 
he  must  stop  when  he  has  inflicted  him  upon  the  humming-birds. 
Think  of  him  (the  dodo,  not  the  learned  pundit)  on  agile  wing, 
hovering  about  a  honeysuckle  !  But  even  this  difficulty  of  finding 
out  where  the  uncouth  bird  belongs,  is  not  the  greatest  that  the 
scientific  man  has  to  contend  with.  When  he  existed,  for  what  did 
he  exist  ?  That  s  the  great  question.  Certainly  he  was  not  for 
beauty,  nor  for  sweetness  ;  his  odor  long  survived  him  upon  his 
native  isle.  Nor  yet  for  grace, — oh,  no  !  Nor  could  he  have 
served  for  a  carrier-pigeon  ;  that  must  have  been  quite  out  of  his 
line  ;  if  pigeon  at  all,  he  certainly  was  not  of  that  branch  of  the 
family.  He  was  not  made  for  swiftness,  like  the  ostrich,  with 
whom  he  once  claimed  kinship.  Nor  yet  for  a  musician  ;  it  is  be- 
lieved he  could  not  have  told  "  Yankee  Doodle  "  from  "  Old  Hun- 
dred," as  ordinarily  played,  or  a  village  band  from  a  steam  calliope. 
What,  then,  was  the  creature  invented  for  ?  Undoubtedly,  just 
for  fun  !  Just  look  at  him  !  But  for  whose  fun  ?  Why,  his  own, 
to  be  sure.  No  other  creature  ever  had  any  fun  out  of  him. 
Therefore,  there  was  a  great  deal  in  him.  The  logic  is  conclusive  ; 
he  must  have  been  full  of  it.  My  position  is  proven.  The  little- 
wanted,  much-abused  dodo  was  a  wag,  who  had  all  his  fun  to 
himself. 

With  the  problematic  dodo  must  end  my  chapter  of  birds. 
Few  of  them  seem  much  available  for  my  purpose  ;  but  could  I 
get  nearer  to  their  inner  life,  I  have  no  doubt  that  volumes 
might  be  written  in  proof  of  their  claim  to  a  sense  of  humor. 


ELEPHANTINE  JOKES. 


THOUGH  this  is  a  great  subject,  I  approach  it  with  hesitation, 
feeling  little  confidence  that  I  shall  be  able  to  handle  it 
very  lightly,  or  to  extract  much  for  my  purpose  from  the  great 
mass  of  material.  I  have  no  doubt,  however,  that  if  a  shrewd  ob- 
server, an  earnest,  interested  student  of  nature,  were  constantly 
associated  with  one  specimen  of  this  solemnly  moving  monster, 
he  would  find  him  full  of  that  sort  of  sportiveness  classed  as 
humor.  Though  the  elephant  often  does  quaint,  ludicrous,  and 
unexpected  things,  the  grim  expression  of  his  countenance  never 
changes.  How  can  we  know  what  internal  feelings  move  him  ?  He 
may  be  all  alive  with  merriment  inside,  while  none  of  the  fun 
permeates  his  thick  skin.  The  superior  intelligence  of  this 
creature  is  undoubted,  and  it  stands  to  reason  that  some  humor- 
ous feeling  should  compose  a  part,  though  the  evidence  is  not  as 
conclusive  as  in  many  other  animals.  It  has  never  been  quite 
convenient  for  me  to  keep  specimens  in  my  house  ;  and,  not 
having  had  a  veritable  elephant  on  my  hands  at  any  time  of  my 
life,  I  am  sorry  to  say  that  my  opportunities  for  studying  his 
character  have  been  circumscribed.  I  have  given  some  observa- 
tion to  those  great  vagrant  elephants  that  are  always  to  be  found 
loafing  about  zoological  gardens  and  following  travelling  shows  ; 
but  I  must  depend  largely  upon  well-authenticated  anecdotes  to 
sustain  my  conclusions. 

39 


40 


Humor  in  Animals. 


There  is  no  positive,  unmistakable  proof  that  the  elephant 
does  any  of  his  many  tricks  from  motives  pure  of  mischief  ; 
other  and  graver  impulses,  revenge  especially,  also  move  him. 
There  is  much  evidence,  however,  that  his  wantonness,  and  often 
his  revenges,  do  partake  largely  of  humor.  The  oft-told  anecdote 
of  the  elephant  whose  trunk  was  pricked  by  a  tailor,  and  who 
punished  him  by  spirting  muddy  water  over  him  and  his  work, 
shows  not  only  retaliation,  but  a  real  sense  of  humor  as  well,  in 
the  nicety  with  which  the  redress  was  gauged.  He  undoubtedly 
enjoyed  it  ;  this  delicate  discrimination  shows  this.  He  was 
evidently  a  little  irritated  by  the  prick,  yet  he  understood  the 
act  as  it  was  meant  and  returned  it  in  kind,  for  had  he  been  less 
intelligent  and  destitute  of  a  sense  of  humor,  he  would  have  been 
enraged,  and  that  would  have  been  no  joke  to  the  tailor  !  The 
freak  of  an  escaped  elephant  who  tried  to  enter  a  crockery  store 
too  small  for  him,  must  also  have  been  prompted  by  an  apprecia- 
tion of  the  absurd  unfitness  of  things. 

A  story  is  told  of  an  artist  who  wanted  a  sketch  of  an  ele- 
phant, with  trunk  raised  and  mouth  open,  and  got  his  friend 
to  go  with  him  to  the  Jardin  des  Plantes  to  induce  the  attitude 
he  wanted,  by  throwing  fruit  into  the  open  mouth.  With  a 
spirit  of  economy,  or  mischief,  or  perhaps  both,  the  friend  some- 
times made  the  motion  without  throwing  the  fruit.  The  elephant 
put  up  with  this  several  times,  much  to  the  gratification  of  the 
artist's  friend,  but  not  to  the  final  satisfaction  of  the  painter 
himself.  The  brute,  getting  tired  of  the  imposition,  filled  his 
trunk  with  water  from  a  bucket  near  by  ;  and  then,  ignoring 
the  agent  as  not  of  sufficient  consequence  to  meet  the  full  re- 
quirements of  his  resentment,  he  turned  his  battery  full  upon 
the  artist,  as  the   real  offender,  with  such  force  as  to  knock 


4i 


42 


Humor  in  Animals. 


him  off  the  stool,  and  to  ruin  the  sketch.  How  he  came  to 
understand  the  connection  between  the  two  offenders  it  is  diffi- 
cult to  say  ;  but  he  somehow  knew  that  the  attitude  was  required 
for  a  purpose,  and  seeing  the  painter  busy  upon  the  paper,  he 
reasoned  that  there  was  where  the  interest  of  the  whole  project 
was  centred,  and  therefore  set  to  work  to  spoil  all.  It  is  too 
much  to  suppose  that  he  had  any  idea  of  the  nature  of  the  work. 
He  had  all  his  life  been  associated  with  man,  and  knew  that  his 
purposes  were  often  beyond  his  ken,  but  also  knew  his  ways  well 
enough  to  understand  that  what  he  saw  him  busy  about  was  a 
matter  of  interest  to  him.  Considering  the  great  intelligence 
that  prompted  the  act,  does  any  one  believe  there  was  no  inward 
chuckle,  no  internal  enjoyment  of  the  poor  artist's  discomfiture, 
and  that  the  deed  itself  was  not  in  part  animated  by  a  desire  to 
see  his  ridiculous  plight  ?  As  in  the  case  of  the  tailor,  a  more 
savage  revenge  was  in  his  .power,  but  in  that  there  would  have 
been  no  fun  for  anybody. 


DOGS  AND  THEIR  FUN. 


DOGS  have  humor  beyond  a  doubt.  That  it  is  not  often  un- 
mistakably manifest  I  will  admit  ;  but  sometimes  it  is  well 
defined,  and  therefore  I  need  not  argue  the  question,  and  bring  up 
a  great  array  of  uncertain  testimony  to  prove  that  I  may  be 
right.  This,  however  satisfactory  to  myself,  for  I  have  much  to 
sustain  it  that  cannot  be  put  in  language,  would  be  insufficient 
for  the  reader.  In  the  case  of  dogs,  however,  I  stand  on  no  such 
equivocal  ground.  I  have  but  to  tell  a  few  facts  that  have  fallen 
under  my  own  observation,  to  establish  my  claim,  yet  it  is 
singular — very — that  this  motive  so  seldom  appears  as  absolutely 
the  governing  one  in  dog's  doings.  If  some  dogs  are  gifted  with 
humor,  all  have  it  to  a  greater  or  less  degree.  There  is  probably 
no  man  entirely  without  some  sense  of  humor,  though  some 
may  seem  quite  devoid  of  it.  On  the  other  hand,  there  are  born 
wags, — they  can't  help  it  !  So  with  their  brute  companions. 
Now  and  then  a  dog  is  gifted  in  like  manner  ;  while  most  of  the 
race  so  mingle  various  impulses  in  their  sportiveness  that  the 
waggery  cannot  be  detected  as  a  positive  element.  But,  fortu- 
nately for  my  purpose,  there  are  cases  where  nothing  else  will 
explain  their  motives. 

In  my  boyhood  days  there  was  left  in  my  charge  a  remarkably 
intelligent  pointer,  well  broken  for  bird-hunting  and  consequently 
valuable.      But  boys  care  little  for  this,  and  no  sooner  was 

43 


44 


Humor  in  Animals. 


Wallace  fairly  in  my  possession  than  I,  with  the  help  of  all  the 
boys  in  the  village,  set  about  extending  his  education  to  other 
branches  of  field  sports.  Especially  did  we  initiate  him  into  the 
mysteries  of  rabbit-hunting,  of  which  he  was  very  fond.  But  he 
had  no  stomach,  for  woodchucks.  He  was  a  nervous,  timid 
creature,  and,  after  the  first  encounter,  where  he  disgraced 
himself,  he  seemed  to  feel  it  always  afterwards.  It  became  a 
matter  of  great  amusement  with  us  to  find  a  woodchuck  hole  and 
invite  Wallace  to  join  the  sport.  The  moment  he  smelled  out 
the  character  of  the  occupant,  however,  he  would  turn  to  us  with 
a  most  ludicrous,  shamed  look  ;  and,  smiling  an  excuse,  he  would 
positively  decline  all  farther  participation.  I  say  smiling,  for  he 
had  this  power,  not  uncommon  with  dogs  of  his  species,  as  well 
as  with  setters,  greyhounds,  and  sometimes  spaniels.  This  smile 
consists  in  twisting  the  nose  to  one  side,  and  showing  the  teeth 
in  a  pleasant  way,  which  then  have  an  entirely  different  look 
from  what  they  have  when  exposed  in  anger.  The  expression  is 
unmistakably  that  of  a  smile,  and  always  denotes  the  same  senti- 
ments of  mirth  and  pleasure  as  in  man. 

One  day  my  companions  and  myself  were  crossing  a  wheat- 
field  after  harvest.  Wallace  was  quite  a  distance  ahead,  beating 
about  here  and  there,  that  vibrating  tail  in  constant  motion, 
smelling  in  the  stubble  for  rabbit  tracks  ;  and  we  were  watching 
his  movements  lest  we  should  not  be  ready  to  join  the  chase  the 
moment  he  should  strike  the  scent.  Suddenly  the  dog  left 
earth,  jumping  high  in  air, — so  high  that  his  form,  for  a 
moment,  was  clearly  cut  against  the  blue  distance.  Of  course, 
this  unexpected  performance  was  greeted  with  peals  of  laughter 
from  his  boy  companions  ;  and  he  had  almost  grown  to  be  a  boy 
himself,  so  perfect  was  the  sympathy  and  understanding  between 


Dogs  and  their  Fun.  45 

us.  Wallace  looked  foolishly  at  us  for  a  moment,  then  shrivelled 
up  his  nose  and  grinned  as  was  his  wont  upon  such  occasions, 
wagging  his  tail  undecidedly  all  the  time — in  short,  trying  to  lie 
out  of  it  by  every  device  at  his  command,  since  he  was  not  able 
to  speak.  Seeing,  however,  that  he  had  not  yet  succeeded,  he 
did  not  propose  to  give  it  up  so.  Again  he  began  his  run  as 
usual,  snufhng  zealously  in  the  stubble,  and  presently  he  bounced 
up  again  as  before,  and  then  turned  to  us  again  to  smile  com- 
placently. It  was  to  assure  us  that  the  performance  was  purely 
for  our  amusement,  and  that  he  was  overjoyed  at  his  success. 
He  played  this  antic  several  times  ;  in  fact,  he  overdid  it  so  that 
we  were  led  to  investigate.  Going  to  the  scene  of  the  first  leap, 
we  found  there  a  large  toad  ;  he  had  put  his  nose  upon  it  in  the 
weeds,  and  this  had  startled  him  so  that  he  made  that  first  extra- 
ordinary jump.  Now  we  laughed  at  him  in  ridicule,  which  he 
perfectly  understood.  He  looked  very  silly  and  tried  the  trick 
no  more. 

There  were  many  things  worth  recording  in  this  dog's  life 
that  summer,  though  nothing  else  that  I  now  remember  that 
bears  directly  upon  our  subject.  We  quite  spoiled  the  dog's 
training,  I  suppose  ;  still,  the  pleasure  to  all  was  worth  the  price 
of  another  trained  dog.  The  unrestrained  hunting  and  free 
companionship  of  a  lot  of  wanton  boys  was  a  new  and  joyful 
experience  to  the  animal  ;  as  for  myself,  the  long  happy  days  of 
that  untrammelled  season  with  the  boys  and  that  dog  still  shines 
out  a  bright  spot  in  my  retrospect  of  the  past. 

Happy,  happiest  days  !  We  were  what  I  read  in  a  great  but 
almost  unknown  poem  : 

"  A  race  of  real  children  !  not  too  wise, 
Too  learned,  or  too  good  ;  but  wanton,  fresh, 


46 


Humor  in  Animals. 


And  bandied  up  and  down  by  love  and  hate  ; 

Not  unresentful  when  self-justified  ; 

Fierce,  moody,  patient,  venturous,  modest,  shy  ; 

Mad  at  our  sports  like  withered  leaves  in  winds. — 

Unfading  recollections  !  at  this  hour 

The  heart  is  almost  mine  with  which  I  felt, 

From  some  hill-top  on  sunny  afternoons, 

The  paper  kite,  high  among  fleecy  clouds, 

Pull  at  her  rim  like  an  impetuous  courser  ; 

Or,  from  the  meadows  sent  on  gusty  days, 

Beheld  her  breast  the  winds,  then  suddenly 

Dashed  headlong,  and  rejected  by  the  storm. 

 At  last, 

When  all  the  ground  was  dark,  and  twinkling  stars 
Edged  the  black  clouds,  home  and  to  bed  we  went, 
Feverish  with  weary  joints  and  beating  minds." 

—  The  Prelude. 

A  fine-looking  dog,  of  mixed  breed,  owned  by  a  friend  of 
mine,  was  a  great  wag  or  practical  joker,  though  the  stolid 
indifference  with  which  he  regarded  the  havoc  he  sometimes 
wrought  would  not  seem  to  indicate  the  least  pleasure  on  his 
part.  In  truth,  this  acting  was  overdone,  and  would  certainly 
have  betrayed  him,  had  not  the  excitement  consequent  upon  his 
rascally  tricks  centred  all  attention  upon  his  victim.  Frank 
was  in  every  way  a  sly  dog  ;  he  never  seemed  to  do  any  thing 
openly,  never  appeared  to  see  or  observe  any  thing  that  was 
going  on  around  him,  yet  his  knowledge  of  facts,  when  he  wanted 
to  use  them,  proved  that  nothing  escaped  his  notice.  This 
naturally  made  him  a  great  favorite  with  his  master,  who  was 
himself  a  lover  of  fun.  He  found  the  traits  that  he  would 
detest  in  a  fellow-man,  cunning  and  interesting  in  his  dog. 
Frank  had  conceived  a  dangerous  fancy  for  playing  upon  the 


Dogs  and  their  Ftm. 


47 


nervousness  of  horses,  and  seemed  to  know  by  instinct  the  most 
timorous,  who  were  the  best  for  his  purpose.  He  had  learned, 
in  some  way,  that  certain  horses  of  a  suspicious  disposition  and 
high  nervous  temperament  could  be  made  frantic  by  feeling 
the  unexpected  touch  of  an  unseen  object  upon  their  heels, — 
that  they  would  kick  with  frenzy  at  the  unknown  thing,  taking 
whatever  object  fell  within  range  as  the  cause  of  t'he  offence, 
and  kicking  away  while  it  lasted  !  So  Frank,  when  unobserved, 
or  believing  himself  so,  would  stand  in  his  master's  door,  in  the 
most  innocent  manner,  and  look  up  and  down  the  street,  quietly 
selecting  a  suitable  victim.  He  made  his  choice  among  the 
horses  driven  in  by  the  farmers  and  hitched  along  the  sides  of 
the  street,  as  is  the  custom  in  smaller  towns,  while  their  owners 
go  among  the  stores  to  "  do  their  trading."  Having  made  his 
selection  with  unerring  judgment,  Frank  would  saunter  down  the 
sidewalk  until  nearly  opposite  the  unsuspecting  animal,  when  he 
would  halt,  look  around  idly,  as  if  he  hardly  knew  what  he 
wanted.  If  happily  there  were  another  dog  in  the  street  or 
over  the  way,  Frank  would  trot  out  to  exchange  greetings  with 
him  ;  but  on  his  return  he  would  invariably  take  his  course  to 
the  rear  of  his  intended  victim.  Then,  smelling  along  the 
ground,  and  seemingly  by  the  merest  accident  in  the  world, 
he  would  touch  the  sensitive  heels  with  his  nose,  taking  good 
care,  however,  that  his  head  should  not  be  in  the  way  of  the 
flying  hoofs  ;  when  he  would  stand  near  by,  scarcely  a  spectator, 
so  great  was  his  indifference,  while  dashboard  and  buggy-front 
are  flying  in  splinters  all  over  the  street,  and  everybody  is  too 
much  excited  and  interested  in  the  strange  alarm  of  the  horse  to 
notice  a  dog  standing  there, — save  those  who  know  him  and  his 
tricks  /  All  this  the  dog  did  accomplish  upon  one  occasion  to  my 


48 


Humor  in  Animals, 


certain  knowledge.  He  was  suspected  of  being  the  cause  of  a 
disastrous  runaway,  being  seen  near  the  start,  but  there  was  no 
stronger  evidence  against  him. 

A  well-to-do  farmer,  known  as  Old  Markey,  lived  just  on  the 
outskirts  of  the  village.  He  had  turned  the  management  of  a 
splendid  farm  over  to  the  boys,  and  occupied  himself  with  fine 
horses,  of  which  he  kept  a  number  for  his  own  special  use.  One 
day  Old  Markey  came  riding  down  the  main  street  upon  a  pran- 
cing young  stallion  ;  the  saddle,  bridle,  and  all  trappings  were 
span  new,  creaking  at  every  motion  ;  horse  and  rider  seemed  in 
perfect  sympathy.  The  latter,  at  least,  enjoyed  the  gallant 
outfit  to  the  utmost,  when  in  an  evil  moment  Frank  sighted 
him.  He  evidently  took  in  the  situation  at  once.  As  the  horse 
moved  sideways,  the  progress  down  the  street  was  not  rapid. 
The  heel  end  of  the  horse  being  also  towards  his  master's  store, 
gave  the  villainous  dog  ample  time  and  opportunity  for  his  favor- 
ite trick  ;  circumstances  seemed  all  to  favor  him.  A  wagon,  stand- 
ing just  in  front,  shielded  his  direct  approach,  and,  undercover  of 
this,  he  slyly  walked  as  far  as  it  would  serve,  then  emerged  far 
enough  to  give  the  magic  touch  and  withdrew.  The  deed  was 
done,  and  the  giddy  heels  flew  heavenwards,  the  astonished  rider 
earthwards.  But  catching  upon  the  creature's  neck,  there  Old 
Markey  hung  for  a  moment,  calling  lustily  for  help.  The  ex- 
cited animal  did  not  attempt  to  run,  as  he  had  n't  time  enough 
for  the  kicking  he  wanted  to  do  ;  but  standing  in  his  fore-tracks, 
he  expressed  his  feelings  with  great  vigor.  When  Old  Markey 
was  helped  down  unhurt,  and  stood  soothing  the  trembling 
beast,  he  said  he  supposed  it  was  a  durned  bat-fly  that  did  it. 
But  Frank  did  not  escape  this  time  unobserved  ;  a  man,  who 
knew  him,  was  sitting  in  his  buggy  a  little  way  up  the  street, 


"CROSS  MY  PALM  WITH  SILVER !  " 


49 


5o 


Humor  in  Annuals. 


waiting  for  his  wife  to  do  a  little  "  trading,"  and  noticed  Frank's 
manoeuvre  and  saw  the  evident  intention.  He  got  out,  came 
down  the  walk  to  where  the  crowd  was  gathered,  and  quietly 
whispered  in  my  friend's  ear,  that  he  had  better  get  rid  of  his 
funny  dog  !  My  friend  had  for  some  time  held  this  opinion  him- 
self, but  was  uncertain  what  to  do  with  him. 

Only  a  few  days  afterwards  I  became  the  unconscious  means 
of  ridding  him  of  this  dangerously  jocose  dog,  and  without  any 
effort  on  his  part.  Meeting  some  young  people  in  his  store  one 
afternoon,  we  were  told  that  there  was  a  camp  of  gypsies  in  the 
woods  across  the  river.  I  borrowed  my  friend's  horse  and  car- 
riage, and  taking  one  of  the  young  ladies,  we  drove  over,  and 
Frank  followed.  While  we  were  eagerly  listening  to  our  fortunes, 
told  by  an  old  hag  with  a  straw  bonnet  on  upside  down  and  hind- 
side  before,  the  tawny  and  wrinkled  visage  looking  out  from  the 
opening  intended  for  the  neck,  one  of  the  rascally  gypsy-men 
stole  the  dog.  But  when  we  missed  him,  and  realized  the 
prospect  of  his  making  one  of  their  vicious  horses  kick  out 
his  master's  brains,  we  felt  that  Frank  might  not  have  lived 
in  vain. 

Another  dog  of  my  acquaintance,  also  belonging  to  a  friend, 
was  a  funny  joker  too.  He  was  a  mongrel  of  medium  size,  not 
too  tall  nor  yet  too  short,  but  just  about  right,  in  fact,  for  his 
own  waggish  purposes.  My  friend  and  I  used  often  to  walk 
together  for  pleasure,  to  which  Sport  (his  appropriate  name) 
was  no  slight  addition.  We  left  the  more  populated  part  of  the 
town,  and  went  where  the  roads  were  grassy  and  the  lots  open. 
The  pigs  were  allowed  to  run  at  liberty,  and  were  frequently  met 
with,  quietly  cropping  the  grass  and  grunting  their  satisfaction. 
This  sight  was  always  regarded  by  Sport  as  an  opportunity  for 


Dogs  and  their  Fun. 


5i 


him  to  justify  the  choice  of  his  name.  He  would  immediately 
make  for  the  pig,  who,  of  course,  started  to  run.  Sport,  running 
up  even  with  his  side,  would  not  attempt  to  catch  him  by  the 
near  ear,  or  any  such  practice  of  ordinary  dogs,  as  the  experienced 
swine  undoubtedly  expected.  He  knew  a  way  of  getting  more 
fun  out  of  a  pig  than  that  !  When  the  proper  distance  was 
established,  and  the  two  animals  were  just  in  position,  he  would 
thrust  his  head  under  the  pig's  belly,  adroitly  catch  him  by  the 
opposite  flank,  and  suddenly  come  to  a  stand-still  with  a  brace. 
This,  with  the  pig's  momentum,  would,  of  course,  bring  him 
entirely  over,  and  he  would,  to  his  great  astonishment,  land  upon 
his  back  instead  of  his  feet  at  the  next  leap  !  Then  Sport  would 
let  him  go,  turn  to  us  with  wagging  tail  and  head  on  one  side, 
and  give  us  a  whimsical,  inquiring  look,  as  much  as  to  ask  : 
"  How  is  that  for  a  joke  on  the  pig  ?  " 

Within  the  circle  of  my  canine  acquaintance  was  one  Kanuck, 
also  a  character.  Kanuck  was  a  bull-dog,  but  the  savagery  of  his 
nature  was  tempered  by  a  great  love  and  faithfulness  to  his 
master,  and,  what  was  most  singular  for  a  dog  of  his  race,  he 
had  an  unusual  sense  of  the  ridiculous,  and  would  be  at  great 
pains  to  get  a  little  joke  on  somebody,  even  using  his  own  un- 
favorable appearance  for  the  purpose.  Beside  terrorizing  all  the 
dogs  in  the  neighborhood,  save  one,  a  Siberian  blood-hound,  he 
found  his  chief  pleasure  in  frightening  passers-by  with  his  ugly 
looks,  without  in  the  least  compromising  himself.  Leaping  from 
the  ground  to  the  top  of  the  fence,  and  from  there  to  the  cap  of 
the  gate-post,  he  would  sit  watching  up  and  down  the  street  for 
a  suitable  victim  to  practise  upon — that  is,  a  passenger  that  ap- 
peared nervous  or  timid  enough  for  his  purpose.  When  such  a 
one  appeared  on  the  sidewalk,  he  would  seem  indifferent  to  their 


52 


Humor  in  Animals. 


approach,  looking  anywhere  but  in  their  direction,  until  his 
intended  victim  had  arrived  almost  opposite  to  the  post.  Then 
he  would  drop  suddenly  down  in  front  and  glower  at  him  with 
his  bloodshot  eyes  and  his  projecting  teeth,  and  with  such 
ferocity  as  usually  to  induce  a  detour  into  the  gutter.  Few  had 
the  pluck  to  face  his  formidable  appearance  and  brush  past  him 
on  the  narrow  sidewalk,  though  he  said  nothing  or  uttered  not  a 
threat  in  any  form,  more  than  was  apprehended  in  the  look  of 
him.  When  the  passer-by  had  mustered  courage  to  return  to  the 
walk,  the  rascal  would  turn  to  his  master,  or  whoever  happened 
to  see  the  performance,  wagging  his  tail  by  way  of  a  laugh, — for 
he  was  not  of  a  breed  that  smile  with  their  features, — and  showing- 
every  evidence  of  pleasure  at  the  success  of  his  joke.  Unless 
some  one  of  the  family  were  in  the  yard  or  on  the  porch,  he 
never  indulged  in  the  waggery,  but  would  repeat  the  joke  as 
often  as  he  found  victims,  while  he  had  an  audience.  Kanuck 
died  a  violent  death  at  last. 


KANUCK  ON  HIS  POST. 
53 


CATS. 


WHEN  cats  were  called,  there  was  a  commotion  in  all  the 
area  comprising  the  backyards  of  the  entire  square. 
Voices,  half  human  in  tone,  arose  in  every  quarter,  some  in 
querulous  complaint  or  angry  recrimination,  some  in  long- 
drawn  sorrowing  wails,  followed  by  a  general  movement  in  the 
direction  of  the  call.  A  flood  of  all  possible  feline  colors  poured 
over  the  intervening  walls  and  fences.  Black,  white,  spotted, 
yellow,  gray,  tortoise,  and  tabby,  appeared  for  a  moment,  as  upon 
the  crests  of  waves,  to  go  down  again  and  reappear  rolling  over 
the  next  fence-barrier,  until,  in  a  moment,  ever)'  cranny  gleamed 
with  eyes  of  green,  and  every  opening  in  wall  or  fence  was  filled 
with  heads  struggling  for  precedence,  all  eager  to  be  heard  ;  and 
all  indeed  were  heard  in  one  mingled  jargon,  wild,  unintelligible, 
and  to  no  purpose,  so  that  I  shall  be  obliged  to  draw  my  con- 
clusions mostly  from  what  I  have  myself  observed,  and  my  studies 
have  been  almost  entirely  upon  the  life  and  character  of  one 
individual  cat,  with  whom  I  enjoyed  very  intimate  acquaintance, 
— an  interesting  and  very  remarkably  intelligent  pet  of  my  own. 
He  was  known  to  fame  in  all  the  neighborhood  round  about  as 
Cupid,  a  most  appropriate  name,  considering  his  character  and 
personal  beauty.  His  features  were  symmetrical  and  classical  ; 
his  white  coat,  set  off  with  gray  ears  and  tail,  was  soft  and  fine  as 
ermine.     Such  was  his  appearance.     But  Cupid  had  claims  to 

54 


55 


56 


Humor  in  Animals. 


consideration  far  beyond  those  of  mere  physical  beauty.  Having 
been  taught  many  accomplishments,  he  was  through  them  enabled 
to  develop  attributes  unusual  in  his  kind,  which  might  otherwise 
have  lain  dormant  to  the  end  of  his  life.  Among  other  accom- 
plishments, and  perhaps  his  greatest  one,  Cupid  had  been 
taught  to  turn  a  somerset,  the  performance  of  which  he  seemed 
to  regard  as  the  highest  reward  he  could  possibly  offer  for  the 
greatest  favor.  When  I  remained  from  home  overnight,  he 
would,  the  next  clay,  take  his  station  upon  the  gate-post,  and 
there  spend  most  of  the  day,  spitting  at  passing  dogs  and  await- 
ing my  return.  When  I  came,  there  was  no  boisterous  demon- 
stration of  joy  like  that  of  a  dog,  but  he  would  demurely  come 
down  from  his  perch,  and,  with  tail  erect,  march  in  front  of  me  to 
the  door,  every  now  and  then  turning  a  somerset  as  his  best 
expression  of  pleasure.  Cupid  had  a  little  vocabulary  of  his 
own  that  I  understood,  and  which  he  knew  I  understood.  He 
could  say  he  would  n't,  or  "  won  t  "  about  as  plainly  as  a  wayward 
child  could  say  it,  and  very  much  in  the  same  decided  manner, 
by  an  abrupt  little  mew,  which  he  never  used  but  when  he  wished 
to  refuse  to  do  what  he  was  told  to.  He  had  another  word,  so  to 
speak,  consisting  of  a  longer  and  milder  mew,  intended  for  com- 
pliance, but  not  always  to  be  depended  upon — for  Cupid  had 
quite  enough  deceit  in  him  to  justify  his  name.  I  would  some- 
times tell  him  to  turn  a  somerset,  when  he  felt  either  too  lazy 
or  too  mischievous,  and  he  would  at  first  say  he  would  n't.  I 
would  reply,  sternly  :  "  You  will."  Knowing  better  all  the  time, 
he  would  perhaps  refuse  again,  then  seem  to  acquiesce,  even 
putting  his  head  down  at  each  command,  as  if  to  comply,  but  all 
the  while  he  kept  working  gradually  away  from  me.  When,  at 
last,  he  was  safely  out  of  my  reach,  he  would  shoot  up  the  stairs 


CUPID'S  REAL  FEELINGS. 


57 


58 


Humor  in  Animals. 


like  a  rocket,  and,  turning  upon  the  upper  landing,  would  bestow 
upon  me  such  a  whimsical,  facetious  look  as  no  physiognomist 
could  mistake.  Had  he  such,  a  thing  as  a  thumb  about  him,  he 
would  have  put  it  to  his  nose  ;  but  this  was  not  needed.  The 
expression  and  the  feeling  that  prompted  it  were  just  as  apparent 
and  well  understood. 

Sometimes  Cupid  would  take  a  notion  that  he  would  like  to 
perform  for  my  amusement  in  the  backyard.  In  this  case  he  would 
come  to  me  and  ask  me  to  open  the  door,  and  going  before  me, 
would  be  profuse  in  his  somersets,  keeping  a  suspicious  eye  on 
me  all  the  time.  When  the  door  was  opened  he  would  stand  in 
the  way  of  its  being  closed,  and  look  up  at  me  with  a  cry  which 
I  understood  as  well  as  though  he  had  said,  "  Come  on."  Not 
being  able  to  close  the  door  without  hurting  the  cat,  I  would  go 
on  ;  then,  having  gained  this  much,  he  would  utter  a  little  purr 
of  satisfaction  and  lead  the  way  to  the  kitchen  door,  alternately 
turning  somersets  and  casting  suspicious  glances  back  at  me. 
Here  he  pursued  the  same  tactics  as  before,  until  we  arrived  at 
the  door  that  opened  from  the  kitchen  to  the  backyard,  when 
his  eagerness  to  begin  would  sometimes  lead  him  to  go  out  before 
I  had  closed  the  door.  Then  I  would  pretend  to  believe  that  I 
had  done  all  that  was  required  of  me,  and  would  shut  the  door 
with  Cupid  on  one  side,  myself  on  the  other.  Immediately  I  was 
made  to  understand  that  I  was  to  come  out  and  be  entertained. 
Cupid's  scratching  and  caterwauling  on  the  outside  of  the  door 
could  not  be  mistaken  ;  so,  of  course,  there  was  nothing  left  but 
to  accept  his  summons,  and  to  go  out  and  see  the  performance. 
This  he  did  his  utmost  to  make  extraordinary,  every  now  and 
then  regarding  me  with  a  look  of  inquiry,  as  if  to  say,  "  What  do 
you  think  of  that  for  agility?"    He  would  generally  conclude 


Cats. 


59 


the  show  upon  the  top  of  the  trellis,  when  he  would  mew  for  me 
to  come  near,  that  he  might  jump  upon  my  head,  and  he  insisted 
that  I  should  make  his  descent  easy  down  my  back  by  stooping 
to  the  right  inclination.  This  done,  Cupid  would  graciously  let 
me  go. 

Cupid,  in  his  fashion,  was  an  expert  retriever,  and  greatly 
enjoyed  the  sport.  The  object  of  his  chase  was  a  small-sized 
hickory-nut.  I  used  to  carry  a  supply  of  these  nuts,  well  chosen 
as  to  size  (he  would  not  take  a  large  one),  always  in  one  particu- 
lar pocket.  At  evening,  when  I  was  seated,  he  would  come  to 
me,  thrust  his  paw  into  that  pocket  and  try  to  extract  a  nut. 
Failing  in  this,  after  much  effort,  he  would  pause,  look  up  at  me 
and  mew  ;  if  I  still  paid  no  attention,  pretending  to  be  absorbed 
in  reading  or  talk,  he  would  frequently  go  in  search  of  a  nut 
that  he  had  played  with  before,  bring  it  to  me,  raise  himself  upon 
his  hind  feet,  place  it  upon  my  knee,  and  then  pat  my  arm.  If 
still  unnoticed,  he  would  knock  the  nut  off  upon  the  floor  and 
pounce  upon  it  again  with  ostentatious  effort,  bring  it  back,  and 
try  again  to  direct  my  attention  to  it.  I  don't  know  that  he 
would  ever  weary  of  this  thing  until  he  had  succeeded,  for  his 
perseverance  did  not  seem  in  the  least,  to  flag  before  my  patience 
was  exhausted,  and  indeed  I  had  no  heart  to  try  him  further. 

One  evening,  as  I  was  about  going  out  to  keep  an  engage- 
ment, Cupid  came  to  me  with  a  nut.  I  stepped  towards  the  door 
and  threw  the  nut  ;  he  divined  my  intention,  and  had  the  nut 
back  to  me  before  I  could  reach  the  door.  The  next  throw,  how 
ever,  enabled  me  to  retreat  in  time.  The  parlor  was  on  the 
second  floor,  the  door  into  the  back  parlor  was  frequently  ajar, 
as  was  also  the  door  leading  from  the  back  parlor  into  the  hall. 
My  mother  called  to  me  that  Cupid  was  coming,  and  afterwards 


6o 


Humor  in  Animals. 


told  me  what  occurred.  When  I  had  closed  the  door  and  hurried 
down  the  stairs,  the  cat,  after  recovering  the  nut,  looked  around, 
and  seeing  that  I  had  escaped,  he  seemed  nonplussed  for  a  mo- 
ment ;  then,  remembering  there  was  another  way,  he  ran  and, 
with  a  jump,  threw  his  weight  against  the  door  ;  as  he  expected, 
it  yielded  ;  the  other  was  latchless  also,  and  the  reasoning  crea- 
ture reached  the  lower  hall  with  the  nut  in  his  mouth  just  as  I 
was  putting  on  my  overcoat.  I  stopped  and  played  with  him, 
though  I  was  in  a  hurry,  until  he  was  tired ;  then,  without  a 
word  of  thanks  or  apology,  Cupid  abruptly  left  me,  to  be  late 
at  my  appointment. 

Much  has  been  written,  many  stories  are  told  to  illustrate  the 
sagacity  of  this  favored  member  of  every  household.  The  tales 
of  cats  are  innumerable. 


THE  LION'S  REPLY. 


WELL,  no,  I  hardly  think  we  are  at  any  time  sportive 
enough  to  lay  claims  to  humor,  if  I  really  understand 
what  constitutes  that  faculty  ;  I  doubt  if  I  do.  At  any  rate,  I 
don't  think  any  of  our  tribe  would  relish  what  you  would  call  a 
joke,  played  upon  him  ;  I  fear  it  would  not  result,  ultimately,  in 
amusement  for  the  joker !  One  unfortunate  member  of  our 
family  had  been  captured  for  exhibition,  when  too  young  to 
resist,  by  your  race  ;  and  I  have  been  told  that  he  came  very 
near  being  the  victim  of  a  practical  joke  by  a  man,  rendered 
reckless  by  the  juice  of  grapes,  the  sweat  of  grain,  or  something 
of  that  sort.  He  was  of  that  division  of  your  race  which  you 
call  Irish,  and  was  said,  by  his  friends,  to  be  a  rollicking,  thought- 
less fellow,  who  happened  along  when  this  poor  captive  lay  on 
the  floor  of  his  cage  asleep.  Seeing  the  end  of  his  tail  hanging 
out  between  the  bars,  the  bright  idea  struck  this  man  of  the  Irish 
variety,  that  it  would  be  a  '  foin  joke  to  put  a  bit  of  a  blaze  to 
the  brush  on  the  ind  of  his  tail  loike  ! '  He  already  had  a  match 
lighted  for  the  purpose,  when  the  keeper  appeared  and  put  a 
stop  to  the  dangerous  experiment.  My  relative  said  to  the  other 
animals,  that  when  he  understood  the  extent  of  the  humilia- 
tion intended  for  him,  he  was  so  enraged  that  he  could  hardly 
keep  from  rending  open  his  cage,  and  seeking  among  men  for 
the  miscreant.    Think  of  the  mortification  he  would  have  suf- 

6,1 


62 


The  Lion  s  Reply.  63 

fered,  and  how  ridiculous  he  would  have  appeared,  the  end  of 
his  tail  singed  and  garnished  with  unseemly  sores  in  place  of 
that  beautiful  brush  with  which  nature  had  decorated  it !  So 
you  see  how  we  lions  would  esteem  a  joke  upon  ourselves.  As 
to  our  practising  them  upon  others,  I  hardly  think  any  act  of 
ours  in  connection  with  other  creatures,  would  be  regarded  by 
them  in  that  light.  At  all  events  they  always  seem  to  take  our 
attentions  quite  serious-like.  Still  I  don't  say  we  are  entirely 
lacking  in  taste  of  that  sort.  I  could  just  roar  to  get  hold  of 
an  unctuous  wag  now  ;  I  think  I  could  take  him  all  in,  and  appre- 
ciate the  joke  fully." 

Though  this  superb  brute  disclaims  all  feeling  of  humor,  I  still 
think  that  I  have  discovered  in  him  a  sort  of  grim  sense  of  the 
humorous  side  of  life,  unrecognized  by  himself  or  by  the  casual 
observer.  The  more  intelligent  keeper  or  student  of  animals 
will  now  and  then  detect  little  gleams  of  it  in  many  of  the  lion's 
acts.  But  I  sfrant  that  the  evidence  is  not  abundant  in  the  case 
of  any  of  the  larger  species  of  the  feline  race. 


THE  FACETIOUS  BEAR. 


THERE  is  no  doubt  about  the  waggishness  of  bears,  who 
can  even  laugh  at  their  own  jokes  ;  not  uproariously,  as 
the  laughter  of  those  jolly  priests  the  French  artists  paint  so 
admirably,  but  they  can  assume  a  well-defined  expression  of  mirth. 
They  are  as  unmistakably  jocose  as  the  most  incorrigible  jester 
of  our  own  species,  and  even  harsher  than  his  mortal  compeer. 
In  either  creature,  when  jocularity  gets  a  hold,  it  seems  to  take 
full  possession  of  him  to  the  complete  subjugation  of  all  else. 
The  mind  of  the  joker,  whether  man  or  brute,  is  constantly 
occupied  with  the  subject,  and  his  license  becomes  intolerable. 
It  is  only  when  we  can  consult  our  own  convenience,  and  go  to 
the  place  of  confinement  of.  the  one  who  must  be  kept  chained, 
that  we  can  enjoy  his  pranks.  We  can  leave  him  when  weary 
of  him,  and  he  cannot  pursue  us  for  a  practical  joke. 

There  is  a  great  difference  in  individuals  among  bears,  as  well 
as  among  men,  in  this  respect.  All  bears  are  more  or  less 
addicted  to  joking  ;  yet  all  do  not  give  themselves  entirely  over 
to  it,  making  it  the  main  object  and  study  of  their  lives. 

In  my  younger  days  I  attended  a  political  mass-meeting  which 
was  to  last  many  days.  Great  preparations  had  been  made  for  a 
"  mammoth  meeting."  Steamboats  were  chartered  at  different 
points  to  convey  the  eager  statesmen  and  the  unselfish  patriots  to 
the  spot,  and,  as  is  usual  at  such  times,  all  sorts  of  queer  objects 

65 


63 


The  Facetious  Bear. 


67 


were  brought  to  attract  customers  to  the  numerous  refreshment 
booths.  For  this  purpose  a  speculative  passenger  upon  a  boat 
that  lay  in  port  near  mine  was  taking  a  half-grown  bear  or  cub. 
I  discovered  this  animal  as  I  came  upon  deck  early  in  the 
morning,  and  saw  him  sitting  upon  the  top  of  the  pilot  house, 
where  he  was  chained  to  keep  him  out  of  the  way  of  mischief. 
Of  course  I  became  interested  at  once,  and  sat  down  to  watch  his 
movements,  knowing  well  that  he  was  not  going  to  remain  seated  a 
great  while.  And,  sure  enough,  in  a  moment  his  owner  emerged 
from  the  caboose  with  a  large  platter  of  refuse  food  for  Bruin's 
breakfast,  and  a  short  ladder,  which  he  placed  in  position  to  ascend 
to  the  top  of  the  pilot  house.  When  the  bear  saw  the  end  of  the 
ladder  appear  above  the  roof  he  became  lively  at  once  ;  he  rose 
to  his  feet,  stretched  his  neck  out  until  he  could  see  over  far 
enough  to  discover  his  master,  and  then  settled  back  with  an 
expression  of  devilish  roguery,  which  pervaded  his  whole  being 
as  he  waited  for  the  man's  head  to  come  within  range  of  his 
mischievous  paw.  Then,  with  a  heavy  box  on  the  ear,  he  sent 
master,  ladder,  broken  platter,  cold  victuals,  and  all,  tumbling  to 
the  deck  !  Looking  down  upon  the  ruin  he  had  wrought,  which 
included  the  prospects  of  his  own  breakfast,  he  turned  and 
capered  around  his  platform  in  the  greatest  glee,  his  ears  laid 
back  and  his  features  assuming  an  actual  human  expression  of 
laughter.  But  Bruin's  pleasure,  though  keen,  was  of  short 
duration  ;  for  the  enraged  master,  getting  a  stick  instead  of 
food,  again  placed  the  ladder,  and  again  ascended,  taking  great 
care  this  time  to  keep  his  head  out  of  reach  of  his  pet's  paws. 
Bruin  got  a  good  cudgelling  instead  of  chicken  bones  and 
the  like,  and  he  had  ample  time  to  digest  his  food  for  reflec- 
tion before  he  got  any  breakfast.    This  was  delayed  several 


6S 


69 


H umor 


in  Animals. 


hours  to  teach  him  to  accept  life's  blessings  promptly,  when 
proffered. 

Naturally,  I  became  interested  in  this  creature,  and  de- 
termined to  look  for  him  upon  the  grounds.  It  was  not  hard  to 
find  him,  though  the  grounds  were  extensive  ;  for  a  bear  of  his 
genius  was  sure  to  make  himself  known  wherever  he  was.  Seeing 
a  great  crowd  around  a  booth,  from  which  came  frequent 
roars  of  laughter,  I  mixed  with  the  revellers,  and  there,  sure 
enough,  I  found  my  jolly  acquaintance  of  the  morning.  A  piece 
of  rope  had  been  added  to  his  chain,  giving  him  altogether  a  run 
of  twenty  feet  or  more.  As  I  came  up  the  cub  was  sitting 
demurely  by  the  corner  of  the  booth.  I  scarcely  saw  him  at 
first,  and  a  man  was  enticing  a  little  boy  with  a  stick  of  candy, 
bought  of  the  cub's  proprietor,  to  come  near  and  get  it.  The 
unwonted  kindness  made  the  boy  a  little  suspicious,  though  he 
did  not  know  of  what,  for  he  did  not  yet  see  the  bear,  only  the 
candy.  The  temptation  proved  too  much  for  him,  however ; 
mastering  his  doubts,  he  marched  up,  took  the  candy,  and,  with 
a  delighted  expression  in  his  face,  turned  to  go.  This  was  the 
moment  of  the  cub's  opportunity.  With  mouth  and  eyes  wide 
open,  ears  laid  back,  and  his  head  close  to  the  ground  to  make 
himself  frightful,  he  sprang  out  of  his  corner,  striking  his  paws 
hard  upon  the  ground  on  purpose.  The  poor  boy  turned  a  look 
back  ;  one  glance  was  enough.  He  started,  with  a  scream  of 
horror,  to  run,  when  the  bear,  close  to  his  heels,  adroitly  tripped 
him  ;  the  poor  boy,  more  terrified  than  before,  rolled,  tumbled, 
and  screamed  out  of  the  way.  The  bear  did  not  attempt  to  hurt 
him,  seeming  satisfied  with  what  he  had  already  done.  He  sat 
down  and  watched  the  boy's  frantic  performances  with  every 
evidence  of  keen  delight,  and  laughing  as  he  had  in  the  morning 


The  Facetious  Bear. 


71 


when  he  boxed  his  master  off  the  ladder.  As  the  boy  jumped  up 
and  fled  from  the  scene  still  holding  fast  to  the  candy,  poor 
fellow  !  the  cub  returned  to  his  place  by  the  stall,  evidently  ex- 
pecting the  sport  to  be  renewed.  He  was  not  disappointed. 
New-comers  bought  more  candy,  and  the  supply  of  boys  was 
kept  up  by  the  uproar  and  laughter.  So  the  rude  fun  went  on 
until  a  little  colored  boy  was  almost  thrown  into  spasms  by  his 
fear.  He  could  not  be  appeased  ;  he  trembled  and  sobbed  con- 
vulsively for  long  after,  and  described  the  bear  as  "  the  biggest 
black  thing  he  ever  see  ! "  Then  even  the  practical  jokers  began 
to  think  that  the  joke  had  been  carried  far  enough,  and  all 
turned  their  attention  to  soothing  the  little  darkey.  It  took  a 
great  deal  of  effort ;  much  coaxing  and  mild  ridicule  were  needed 
to  induce  the  poor  little  fellow  to  come  near  enough  to  institute 
a  comparison  of  size.  With  a  look  of  intense  disgust  at  the  jolly 
little  villain,  who  seemed  to  take  it  all  in,  and  stood  upon  his 
hind  feet  at  the  extreme  of  his  chain,  the  boy  said  "  he  did  n't  care, 
it  was  a  bar  anyway."  But  much  kindly  speech  and  a  pocket 
full  of  candy  seemed  at  length  to  mollify  him,  and  he  went  his 
way  partly  consoled. 


THE  MONKEY'S  SOLILOQUY. 


I SUPPOSE  we  are  regarded  by  man  himself  as  the  nearest 
of  kin  to  him.  Why,  then,  I  wonder,  were  not  all  the 
human  attributes,  that  were  to  be  given  to  the  lower  animals  at 
all,  bestowed  upon  us  ?  It  certainly  seems  strange  that  such  a 
human  power  as  that  of  speech  should  have  been  conferred  upon 
creatures  so  far  away  in  physical  organization,  so  totally  unlike, 
and  seemingly  so  illy  constructed  for  its  exercise,  as  those  parrots 
and  a  few  other  birds.  The  parrots  are  said  to  be  our  feathered 
counterparts.  That  may  be  the  explanation.  They  may  be 
chosen  to  reflect  humanity  among  the  birds,  as  we  do  among  the 
mammals.  In  each  grand  division  of  animal  nature  some  trait 
of  man's  character  is  perhaps  represented  in  some  chosen  species, 
so  that  man's  nature  permeates  the  whole.  The  choicest  of 
human  gifts  may  have  been  bestowed  upon  parrots  to  compen- 
sate for  their  great  deficiencies  otherwise. 

"  Still  this  explanation  is  not  satisfactory  either.  It  seems 
too  much  that  the  gift  of  both  speech  and  song  should  be 
enjoyed  solely  by  the  birds.  Why,  there  is  not  a  living  creature 
below  man  that  can  utter  a  human  sound  or  a  melodious  note, 
save  birds  alone  !  Frogs,  katydids,  and  a  thousand  insects  may 
think  they  do,  but  they  don't.  Now,  I  confess,  when  I  think  of 
what  might  have  beoi,  had  we  monkeys  had  these  gifts,  instead 
of  those  unfit  creatures  with  their  inflexible  lips,  or  rather  teeth 

72 


73 


74 


Humor  in  Animals. 


on  the  outside  of  their  face,  my  soul  is  filled  with  bitterness. 
Ah  !  but  it 's  a  compliment  to  us  after  all  ;  they  dare  not  trust  us 
with  any  more  endowments.  Jealousy  is  the  one  thing  that 
keeps  us  back.  Had  not  these  gifts  been  withheld,  there  would 
have  been  no  check  to  our  advance. 

"  And  man  himself  does  not  have  all  that  he  desires  by  any 
means.  These  same  birds  can  soar  far  above  the  earth — a 
power  which  he,  with  all  his  invention  cannot  contrive  for 
himself,  though  I  believe  he  expects  to  have  it  conferred  upon 
him  in  a  higher  life  to  succeed  this.  Pa-haps !  But  that 's 
nothing  to  us. 

"  Come  to  think  of  it,  that 's  not  a  bad  idea  of  mine,  that 
man's  qualities  are  echoed,  as  it  were,  through  the  whole  animal 
kingdom  by  certain  favored  species  as  delegates.  If  that  be  so, 
I  wonder  which  of  the  reptiles  holds  the  honor.  Serpents  ? 
No,  I  should  rather  think  the  lizards.  Though  it  may  be  pre- 
sumption for  me  to  speculate  at  all  upon  this  point,  I  don't 
suppose  man  would  acknowledge  a  very  near  kinship  to  any  of 
them.  But  I  can't  help  thinking.  No  wrong  in  that,  I  suppose. 
Insects  ?  Now,  which  among  the  insects  could,  with  any  show 
of  reason,  claim  precedence  ?  Butterflies,  ants,  bees,  katydids, 
pinchbugs,  tumblebugs,  or  what  ?  I  can't  tell,  I  am  sure  ;  that 's 
too  much  for  my  philosophy.  And  there  are  still  the  cold- 
blooded creatures — fishes,  clams,  etc. — to  be  considered. 

"  And  if  I  could  settle  all  this  satisfactorily,  it  would  throw 
no  light  upon  the  question  under  consideration.  Perhaps  we 
have  our  share  of  humanity,  and  are  covetous  in  wanting  more. 
Let  us  consider.  W e  have  not  speech.  That  s  true  ;  but  we 
can  chatter  with  the  best  of  them.  And  that 's  human,  I 'm  sure. 
In  our  four  feet  we  have  four  hands  as  well, — but  what  of  it  ? 


The  Monkey  s  Soliloqziy.  7 5 


No  one  denies  our  capacity  to  cut  up  antics.  We  are  by  common 
consent  voted  the  harlequins  of  animals,  and  man  wants  to  know 
if  we  have  humor.  As  he  himself  would  say  :  '  We  have  n't  any 
thing  else.'  And  there  it  is  again, — another  important  lack  ! 
The  jesters  of  the  world,  and  not  a  shadow  of  an  expression  of 
mirth  can  our  features  assume  !  I  hear  that  several  species  of 
dogs  can  smile,  and  that  bears  laugh  unmistakably.  Even  this 
spiteful  cat  at  my  feet,  squalling  and  spitting  just  because  I 
take  hold  of  her  tail,  they  say,  can  assume  a  facetious  expression 
when  she  feels  like  it,  which  she  evidently  does  not  at  the  present 
moment.  But  we,  man's  nearest  cousins,  are  denied  even  that 
approach  to  man's  expression. 

"  We  can  always  provoke  laughter  in  our  great  kinsfolk. 
But  could  we  join  in  the  laugh,  talk,  and  sing  a  jolly  song  with 
them,  it  would  be  a  great  comfort  to  us.  Then  we  monkeys 
would  feel  so  much  more  in  sympathy  with  them,  and  should 
be  encouraged  to  hurry  up  our  evolution  to  the  point  of 
equality." 


THE  TWO  MONKEYS. 


AN  eminent  American  artist  gave  me  the  following  bit  of  his 
experience  with  two  monkeys  he  had  in  his  possession 
while  living  in  Rome.  He  first  bought  the  larger  one  and  had  him 
for  some  time,  when  there  came  an  opportunity  to  purchase  another. 
Concluding  that  there  must  be  at  least  twice  as  much  interest  and 
fun  in  two  monkeys  as  in  one,  he  hastened  to  close  the  bargain. 
Still  he  was  not  without  some  apprehension  as  to  the  reception  that 
the  new-comer,  being  smaller,  might  receive  from  the  one  already 
installed.  When  he  entered  the  little  anteroom  where  the  old 
monkey  was  kept,  with  the  little  one  in  his  arms,  it  was  interest- 
ing to  watch  the  behavior  of  both.  The  little  one,  being  a 
stranger  to  all,  was  timid  and  frightened  at  every  thing,  and 
did  n't  know  what  to  expect  or  whom  to  trust.  "  Jack,"  as  the 
larger  one  was  called,  was  busy  at  the  moment  with  the  mysteries 
of  a  knot  in  a  bit  of  rope  he  had  found.  Looking  up  and  seeing 
the  other,  he  lost  interest  in  the  investigation  of  the  knot,  and 
riveted  his  gaze  upon  his  kinsman.  As  his  master  dropped  the 
poor  little  fellow  on  the  floor,  in  front  of  him,  he  still  continued 
his  gaze,  evidently  not  having  made  up  his  mind  as  to  how  he 
would  take  the  intrusion.  It  required  time  to  consider,  and  all 
the  while  he  glowered  at  the  stranger,  who  returned  the  gaze  in 
anxious  suspense.    At  length  he  concluded  to  accept  him,  and 

reaching  out,  drew  the  little  one  to  him,  and  clasped  him  in  his 

76 


THE  TWO  MONKEYS. 


77 


78 


Humor  in  Animals. 


arms,  then  turned  to  his  master  and  the  friends  who  had  ac- 
companied him,  chattering  threats  and  denunciations,  through 
them,  to  all  the  world,  or  that  portion  of  it,  however  large,  that 
should  propose  enmity  or  separation  to  his  bosom  friend  of  two 
minutes'  standing.  The  little  one,  too,  caught  the  infection  and 
joined  his  chatter  with  that  of  his  new  friend,  which  seemed  a 
combined  defiance  to  every  foe  that  would  break  the  bonds  then 
and  there  established.  All  this,  of  course,  was  very  satisfactory 
to  the  artist,  relieving  him  of  any  apprehensions  he  may  have 
felt.  He  also  found,  soon  after  this  happy  turn  affairs  had  taken, 
that  his  calculation  as  to  the  amount  of  fun  in  two  monkeys 
rather  than  one,  was  more  than  justified,  so  far  as  quantity  was 
concerned.  The  fun,  indeed,  was  as  the  square  of  the  number 
of  monkeys  ;  but  most  of  it  was  fun  to  the  monkeys  alone, 
while  he  had  all  the  care  and  anxiety  for  his  portion. 

One  morning  the  larger  one  succeeded  in  breaking  his  bonds, 
and  with  his  help  the  little  one  was  also  free.  They  were  scarcely 
missed  before  an  excited  woman  came  to  complain  that  the  mon- 
keys were  in  her  garden  doing  all  sorts  of  mischief.  The  first 
she  knew  of  their  presence  they  were  pelting  her  with  green  figs 
from  out  her  own  tree.  My  friend  sent  his  man  after  them, 
but  no  sooner  did  the  pursuer  appear  than  they  retreated  over  the 
opposite  wall  into  an  adjoining  garden,  whence  came  a  clamor  of 
protest  for  the  mischief  they  contrived  to  do  on  their  way  across, 
and  so  the  journey  was  continued  until  the  man  lost  track  of  them 
altogether,  and  was  obliged  to  return  and  report  accordingly. 
My  friend,  with  mingled  feelings  of  sorrow  and  relief,  gave  up 
his  troublesome  pets  for  lost. 

The  day  wore  away,  and  no  monkeys.  Just  as  evening  was 
coming-  on,  their  owner  became  aware  of  some  commotion  across 


The  Tzvo  Monkeys. 


79 


a  little  court  in  a  window  opposite  the  one  at  which  he  was  sit- 
ting, and,  looking  up,  there  he  saw  his  runaway  pets.  Having 
escaped  all  penalties  of  their  rascalities  through  the  day,  they  had 
returned  and  chosen  this  stage  for  such  amusing  antics  as  would 
conciliate  their  master  and  get  them  off  from  punishment.  Their 
antics  did  not,  however,  seem  to  win  from  him  any  notice  suffi- 
ciently favorable  to  be  trusted.  My  friend  kept  a  grave  expres- 
sion upon  his  face  all  the  while,  though  it  was  hard  ;  it  was  almost 
beyond  his  self-control  to  keep  from  laughing  at  their  anxious 
drolleries.  Finally  the  monkeys  exhausted  their  resources,  and 
seemed  to  be  in  despair,  when  suddenly  the  larger  one  had  an 
inspiration.  He  caught  the  lesser  one  by  the  tail  and  began 
swinging  him  in  the  air  like  a  pendulum.  This  absurd  action, 
together  with  the  anxious,  rueful  expression  with  which  they  both 
watched  its  effect  upon  their  master,  proved  too  much  for  him, 
and  he  burst  into  a  fit  of  laughter,  in  which  the  two  relieved 
creatures  joined  with  a  glad  chatter,  the  best  they  could  do  for 
laughter,  and  peace  was  restored. 

As  with  the  practical  joker,  the  discomfort  or  annoyance  of 
others  seems  to  be  the  monkey's  sole  idea  of  fun.  I  remember 
some  years  ago,  at  Central  Park,  I  used  to  watch  with  much 
interest  the  performances  of  a  solitary  monkey,  who,  for  some 
reason,  had  been  left  alone  in  a  large  cage  that  had  been  recently 
occupied  by  many  of  his  race.  In  his  loneliness,  he  seemed  to 
be  hard  put  to  it  for  amusement,  but  he  found  no  little  entertain- 
ment in  tantalizing  a  large  leopard  whose  cage  was  next  to  his. 
A  board  petition  or  screen  had  been  inserted  between  the  two 
cages  for  greater  safely,  but  a  little  aperture  had  been  made, 
probably  by  the  monkeys,  by  tearing  away  splinters  from  a  crack 
or  joint  between  two  boards,  large  enough  to  afford  a  partial  view 


8o 


Humor  in  Animals. 


from  one  cage  to  the  other.  The  leopard  spent  much  of  his  time 
in  peering  through  this  hole,  longing  to  get  hold  of  the  monkey, 
and  the  monkey  took  no  small  delight  in  passing  before  the  open- 
ing, upon  a  convenient  perch.  Seemingly  unconscious  of  the 
leopard's  proximity,  he  would  sit  there  for  a  long  time  all  absorbed 
in  a  pretended  search  for  fleas.  First  on  one  leg,  then  on  the 
other  he  would  hitch  nearer  and  still  a  little  nearer  to  the  parti- 
tion ;  and  the  excitement  of  the  leopard  became  terrible  !  His 
eyes  gleamed,  his  underlip  quivered,  his  tail  thrashed  furiously  from 
side  to  side,  but  Jacko  was  just  out  of  reach.  When  at  length, 
weary  of  all  this,  the  leopard  retreated  a  little,  the  monkey  would 
suddenly  leap  against  the  partition  and  quickly  back  to  his  perch, 
while  the  disappointed  brute  bounded  about  his  narrow  confines 
in  a  transport  of  rage.  Then  the  monkey  would  sit  upon  his 
perch  and  chatter  with  delight. 


8i 


THE  FOX'S  VIEWS. 


YOU  want  to  know  what?  Whether  we  have  humor, 
eh?  Well,  I  don't  want  to  appear  conceited  or  im- 
modest, in  claiming  an  attribute  that  you  human  creatures,  with 
all  your  penetration,  have  failed  to  discover  in  our  make  up.  Your 
chief  grounds  for  doubt  is  that  you  have  not  seen  it  in  us.  May 
I  modestly  suggest  that  there  are  many  qualities,  even  in  the  most 
familiar  things,  that  have  not  yet  come  within  human  observation  ? 
Excuse  me,  but  the  wisest  of  your  race  admit  this  fact.  Therefore, 
it  is  not  safe  to  jump  at  a  conclusion,  and  found  a  theory  upon 
the  absence  of  evidence.  I  don't  mind  saying  that  we  have  a  great 
deal  of  brutal — that  is,  non-human  sort  of  humor.  That  admission 
seems  to  shock  you,  and  still  lower  us  in  your  esteem  ?  Well, 
why  should  we  care  for  your  opinions  ?  I  am  glad  that  you  have 
asked  me  the  question,  however,  for,  though  I  know  well  enough 
your  estimate  of  us,  I  rejoice  at  an  opportunity  of  telling  you 
what  we  think  of  you.  I  am  aware  that  this  will  not  concern  you 
much,  only  I  shall  call  your  attention  to  some  facts  that  you 
never  seem  to  bestow  any  thought  upon,  or  if  you  do,  it 's  only 
to  pettifog  the  case  with  your  conscience,  and  to  persuade  your- 
selves against  your  smothered  convictions,  that  hunting  us  is 
right.  The  pleasures  of  the  chase  are  enjoyed  exclusively  by 
you,  you  think?  No;  they  are  shared  by  almost  every  living 
thing.     But  with  the  lower  animals,  except  those  trained  by  your 

82 


The  Fox  s  Views. 


83 


example,  it  is  the  business  of  life.  Is  that  what  brutalizes  it? 
When  the  blood  of  the  victim  is  the  reward  of  success,  the  pur- 
suit is  brutal  ?  You  would  reject  such  a  reward  with  scorn  or 
disgust,  simply  because  it  is  distasteful  to  you.  The  recompense 
of  your  success  is  the  tail  of  your  victim — the  'brush,'  as  you 
term  it.  This  is  the  difference  between  the  refinements  of  the 
chase  and  the  depredations  of  the  fox.  Still,  the  hounds  and  the 
horses  are  necessary  to  you,  and  they  enjoy  the  sport  with  as 
keen  a  zest  as  yourselves.  But  you  direct  the  sport  :  that  you 
are  the  master,  ennobles  the  pastime.  The  brush  belongs  to  the 
first  in  at  the  death.  You  thrust  it  under  the  band  of  your  fool- 
ish little  hunting-cap,  and  ride  proudly  back  to  feel  the  swelling 
heart  of  a  conquering  hero.  You  enjoy  the  admiration  of  the 
females  of  your  race  who  hail  your  return  with  honors  and  loud 
acclaim,  arrogating  all  the  credit  to  yourselves,  which  mostly 
belongs  to  the  horse  you  ride. 

"  But  now  to  return  to  my  claim  of  a  non-human  sort  of  humor. 
When  you  miss  your  fox,  and  he  succeeds  in  getting  away  with 
his  own  tail,  having,  by  his  cunning,  outwitted  you  all,  and  cir- 
cumvented the  combined  intelligence  of  a  troop  of  human  hunts- 
men, the  sagacity  of  a  pack  of  hounds,  and  the  speed  of  all  their 
horses,  what  does  he  do  ?  He  gains  his  stronghold  high  upon 
the  cliff,  and  looks  down  upon  the  rage  of  baffled  hounds,  and 
the  rueful  expressions  on  the  countenances  of  the  foolish  hunt- 
ers. Do  you  suppose  he  does  not  then,  at  least,  fully  appreciate 
and  enjoy  the  humor  of  the  situation  ?  Don't  deceive  your- 
self!  " 


A  RAT'S  POINT  OF  VIEW. 


WHY,  of  course.  Though  we  insist  upon  being  neigh- 
borly, it  does  not  imply  that  kind  of  intimate  acquaint- 
ance that  would  give  you  an  accurate  knowledge  of  our  private 
character.  You  could  n't  follow  us  into  our  haunts  to  study  our 
customs  and  habits.  You  must  therefore  content  yourselves 
with  coniecture  founded  upon  such  facts  as  you  can  glean  from 
casual  observation.  Such  of  our  traits  as  you  know  do  not  bear 
upon  the  subject.  You  hear  the  noise  we  make  in  the  walls  of 
your  old  mansions  ;  you  wonder  what  it  's  all  about,  and  are 
annoyed  at  it,  and  you  conclude,  naturally,  that  we  are  indifferent 
to  your  feelings,  which  is  quite  true.  The  hubbub  we  make  is 
entirely  our  own  affair  ;  it  is  for  our  own  fun,  or  other  purposes, 
without  the  slightest  reference  to  your  wishes.  We  are  likewise 
just  as  indifferent  to  your  opinions  of  us  or  your  estimate  of  our 
mental  capacity.  You  have  found  us  wise  enough,  as  a  general 
thing,  to  elude  your  devices  for  our  capture,  including  the 
cunningly  devised  traps  that  don't  look  at  all  like  traps,  but  still 
would  hold  us  fast  enough  were  we  unwary  enough  to  wralk  into 
them.  With  all  your  contrivances  for  our  extermination  as  a 
race,  we  still  live,  and  live  just  where  we  please.  In  your  house, 
if  we  prefer,  or  if  the  barn  offers  greater  attractions  we  retire  to 
the  barn  or  stable  ;  we  subsist  by  your  involuntary  bounty  ;  we 
help  ourselves  at  will  from  such  of  your  supplies  as  we  can  reach, 

85 


86 


Humor  in  Animals. 


without  so  much  as  by  your  leave  !  And  we  can  generally  con- 
trive to  reach  most  any  provisions  we  particularly  desire. 

"  All  this  you  know,  but  little  or  nothing  of  our  pastimes, 
fun,  or  frolic.  We  have  our  own  pleasures,  of  course,  and  it  is 
most  likely  that  a  little  of  the  element  of  mischief  enters  in.  I 
will  not  say  any  thing  more  than  that  for  publication  at  present. 
Jump  at  any  conclusion  you  please  ;  you  will  get  no  clue  from 
me  ;  we  are  indifferent  to  you.  Your  houses  are  very  convenient 
for  us,  but  though  we  dine  at  the  same  table  with  you,  as  it 
were,  we  feel  no  attachment  for  your  kind." 


THE  ASS  SPEAKS. 


87 


THE  SPEECH  OF  THE  ASS. 


BRETHREN  !  I  say  brethren,  with  entire  confidence  that 
I  appeal  to  no  others,  for  well  do  I  know  that  none  other 
than  a  true  brother  would  give  ear  to  my  utterances  ;  and  our 
family  connections  have  grown  so  large,  that  I  can  safely  count 
upon  a  great  portion  of  almost  any  audience  being  composed  of 
its  members.  But  in  any  case  I  am  justified,  for  are  we  not  all 
of  one  stock,  all  in  one  line  of  progression,  in  different  degrees, 
to  be  sure,  but  all  tending  to  the  highest  development  ?  Natu- 
ralists have  adopted  a  system  of  classification  founded  upon  a 
dental  basis,  which  applies  to  all  mammals,  save  ourselves.  We 
form  a  unique  exception.  In  our  case  the  popular  verdict  has 
thrown  the  dental  system  in  the  teeth  of  science,  so  to  speak, 
and  insists  that  the  voice,  or  the  peculiar  use  made  of  it,  shall 
determine  the  status  of  a  claimant  to  membership  in  our  family. 
We  therefore  have  the  distinction  of  being  the  founders  of  a 
large  and  (at  least  in  numbers)  respectable  class.  In  fact,  when 
the  popular  clamor  arose  for  voice-classification,  the  increase  to 
our  numbers  was  very  great,  being,  as  a  rule,  we  were  unified 
mainly  by  our  speech.  The  united  order  of  asses  have  been 
able  to  drown  all  opposition,  and  to  force  their  way  to  positions 
they  could  never  have  attained  except  for  the  noise  they  made. 

"  I  have  said  that  voice  alone  is  not  necessarily  a  distin- 
guishing mark.     There  are  conditions  accompanying  the  voice 

83 


The  Speech  of  the  Ass. 


89 


necessary  to  establish  its  owner's  claim  to  be  classed  with 
the  real  asses  /  Bulls  bellow  in  anger,  and  all  who  hear 
understand  the  meaning.  Lions  roar,  and  every  trembling 
creature  heeds  the  warning  and  flies  to  cover  !  But  your  true  ass 
brays  on  forever,  without  significance,  cause,  or  reason,  and  this 
is  just  what  makes  the  difference.  The  unnecessary,  uncalled- 
for,  unmeaning  exercise  of  the  loud  voice  stamps  the  ass  at 
once  ! 

"  But  I  arose  to  speak  upon  the  subject  of  this  work,  the  humor 
of  animals.  Each  creature,  so  far  as  he  has  been  heard  from, 
when  called  upon,  has  either  claimed  its  possession  for  his 
species,  or  acknowledged  the  lack  and  explained  the  reasons 
therefore.  But  owing  to  our  phenomenal  position  in  the  animal 
kingdom,  in  order  to  make  myself  fully  understood,  I  felt  it 
necessary  to  show  that  aside  from  this  one  distinguishing  mark, 
which  makes  us  all  akin,  there  ma}'  exist,  and  do  exist,  great 
differences  between  different  branches  of  our  family.  So  when  I 
lay  claim — emphatically — to  the  attribute  for  us  donkeys  of  the 
original  stock,  I  cannot  include  the  much  larger  number  of  those 
who  are  classed  with  us.  Asses  by  adoption  may  or  may  not 
have  the  sense  of  humor.  I  do  not  know  about  it,  I  am  sure.  I 
can  only  say  that  I  have  never  discovered  that  faculty,  or  any 
other,  particularly,  in  them.  So  I  will  simply  make  the  claim 
for  our  own  branch,  and  leave  the  proof  to  such  anecdotes  as 
may  follow." 


DONKEYS'  DOINGS. 


DONKEYS  certainly  have  the  sense  of  humor  to  a  great 
degree.  They  by  no  means  deserve  the  reputation  of 
being  a  stupid  animal.  The  ass,  so  far  as  I  have  been  able  to 
ascertain,  has  the  brightest  intellect  of  all  the  group  with  which 
his  physical  organization  allies  him.  He  has  much  character. 
When  crossed  with  the  horse,  his  progeny,  the  mule,  stands  by 
himself  (often  on  his  forelegs  gesticulating  with  his  hind),  as  a 
noticeable  individual.  His  characteristics  are  quite  distinct  from 
either  parent,  but  he  ranks  far  above  the  horse  in  point  of 
brains,  and  is  perhaps  equal  to  the  ass,  from  whom  he  derives 
his  mental  powers.  Many  years  ago  a  number  of  American 
artists — Gifford,  Whittredcre,  Bierstadt,  two  or  three  others,  and 
myself — started  on  a  jaunt  over  the  mountains  in  the  vicinity 
of  Rome.  Arriving  at  a  little  town  in  the  evening,  we  engaged 
the  requisite  number  of  donkeys  to  be  ready  early  in  the 
morning.  I  selected  mine  from  a  sort  of  sympathy  between 
us  ;  I  looked  at  him,  he  looked  at  me,  and  we  liked  each  other. 
I  fancied  his  expression  ;  he  regarded  me  so  knowingly  on 
my  tour  of  inspection.  I  decided  upon  him  at  once,  thinking 
that  there  was  something  in  him, — and  there  was  /  He  seemed 
to  appreciate  the  compliment,  and  took  kindly  to  me. 

He  was  not  long  in  justifying  my  conclusions.  We  had 
supper,  and  retired  early  to  be  ready  at  break  of  day  for  the 

QO 


Donkeys  Doings. 


91 


start.  But  owing  to  a  little  pleasantry  on  the  part  of  my  chosen 
steed,  we  lost  considerable  valuable  time.  We  were  awakened 
before  the  hour  by  a  great  commotion  in  the  square  below,  and 
upon  going  to  the  window,  we  looked  down  upon  an  exciting 
scene.  Our  entire  troop  of  donkeys  was  loose,  dashing  about  in 
the  wildest,  unrestrained  manner,  my  donkey  at  the  head  of  the 
charge,  while  seemingly  all  the  idle  inhabitants  of  the  do-nothing 
little  town  were  there  to  help  secure  the  animals  again.  In  the 
midst  of  the  hubbub  my  enterprising  beast  was  the  most  active 
of  the  herd.  Coursing  here  and  there,  everywhere  ;  biting,  kick- 
ing, and  striking  in  all  directions  ;  reaching  out  with  his  heels 
toward  each  retreating  group, — on  he  went  in  defiance  of  all 
efforts  to  corral  him  and  his  companions.  As  I  looked,  I  was 
proud  of  my  beast,  and  called  my  companions'  attention  to  his 
superiority.  They  did  not  seem  to  envy  me  !  But  there  must 
be  an  end  to  all  things,  and  the  most  obdurate  lot  of  donkeys  in 
the  world  may  be  mastered  by  superior  numbers.  So  when  we 
went  out  from  breakfast,  we  found  that  peace  had  been  restored 
and  the  wayward  creatures  again  secured,  and  very  thoroughly 
too,  to  judge  from  the  amount  of  small  fees  we  were  required  to 
pay  to  each  who  claimed  to  have  helped.  The  animals  had  still 
to  be  fed,  as  the  time  allotted  for  that  had  been  occupied  in 
the  frolic.  There  was  finally  an  end  to  their  feeding,  however, 
as  well  as  to  their  spree,  and  the  start  was  made. 

W  hen  I  came  to  mount  my  beast  I  observed  that  his  rein  was 
a  stout  rope.  I  was  at  first  inclined  to  demur,  but  half  guessing 
the  reason,  I  mounted  in  silence  and  took  my  place  in  the  line, 
happening  to  ride  just  behind  Gifford.  The  path  over  the 
mountain  was  narrow  and  deeply  worn,  so  that  we  were  obliged 
to  go  in  single  file.     We  had  not  travelled  many  miles  before 


92 


Humor  in  Animals. 


I  was  convinced  of  the  justice  of  my  surmise  as  to  the  rope. 
The  beast  I  bestrode  had  an  amount  of  character  that  exceeded 
even  my  most  enthusiastic  desires.  My  hands  were  actually 
blistered  in  a  constant  effort  to  restrain  the  mischief-loving 
creature  from  biting  the  heels  of  Gifford's  little  brown  charger, 
who  lost  all  patience  with  this  continued  annoyance,  and  stopped 
stock-still,  turned  his  head,  and  gave  my  brute  such  a  look  as  set 
the  company  in  a  roar  of  laughter,  and  would  have  brought  a 
blush  of  shame  to  any  cheek  but  that  of  a  hardened  donkey.  The 
only  effect  visible  upon  him,  however,  was  the  prudence  that  in- 
duced him  to  stop  also  and  stand  at  a  safe  distance.  Gifford's 
poor  persecuted  brute  had  already  expended  much  of  his  strength 
in  fruitless  kicking  at  this  wary  beast  of  mine,  who  always  man- 
aged to  turn  in  time  to  avoid  the  angry  heels.  They  never  hit 
but  once,  and  that  time  they  hit  my  shin,  which  ached  for  days 
afterwards.  When  we  finally  reached  the  top  of  the  mountain 
and  stopped  for  rest  and  refreshments  at  the  monastery,  then  I 
found  that  my  mount,  by  his  constant  reaching  forward,  and  dod- 
ging back,  had  worked  the  saddle  so  near  the  rump  that  in  a  few 
rods  farther  I  should  have  been  off,  saddle  and  all.  When  we 
prepared  to  continue  the  journey,  the  much-abused  donkey  that 
Gifford  rode  flatly  refused  to  travel  at  cither  end  next  to  mine, 
and  one  of  our  company  who  had  a  less  experienced  ass  suffered 
the  imposition.  His  trials  were  not  so  great,  however,  as  his 
predecessor's,  the  descent  being  less  favorable  for  my  donkey's 
pranks  than  the  climb  had  been. 

From  a  certain  incident,  I  should  judge  that  the  donkey  has 
a  taste  for,  and  appreciation  of,  refined  and  intellectual  society. 
The  little  daughter  of  an  eminent  statesman  was  looking  out  of 
a  back  window  of  their  country-seat,  when  her  eye  fell  upon  the 


Donkeys  Doings.  93 

donkey  standing  quietly  in  the  yard,  and  wearing  that  indescriba- 
ble expression,  common  to  their  race,  which  seems  made  up  of 
conscious  worth,  dejection,  and  philosophical  resignation.  Her 
tender  heart  went  out  in  pity  for  the  sad  creature,  as  she  cried  : 
"  Poor  Jacko,  he  is  so  lonesome  !  but  papa  will  come  home  in  a 
day  or  two,  then  he  will  be  all  right  !  " 


THE  CAMEL'S  CLAIM. 


HUMOR  ?  O  yes  !  once — ages  and  ages  ago — when  we 
roved  free  and  wild  over  the  desert,  we  cultivated 
drollery,  had  heaps  of  it — humps-full.  We  carried  it  upon  our 
backs,  on  our  long  jaunts  over  the  desert  waste.  There  are  still 
waste  places — long,  dreary  wastes — moral  deserts,  with  sands  as 
dry  as  any,  where  humor  is  needed,  but  since  our  race  went  out  of 
the  business,  that  sort  of  commerce  has  been  given  up.  In  fact, 
the  commodity  itself  does  not  seem  to  be  in  so  great  demand  as  it 
once  was  ;  the  supply  appears  to  have  given  out  in  a  great  measure, 
and  what  there  is  now,  seems  to  be  rather  the  '  tailings,'  if  I  may 
use  that  expression,  of  the  abundant  flow  of  former  times.  Yes, 
both  supply  and  demand  have  dwindled,  and  the  dry,  unproductive 
sands  of  knowledge  have  drifted  over  many  an  oasis  of  sweet 
poetic  verdure.  I  do  not  mean  to  disparage  learning  when  I  speak 
of  its  '  unproductive  sands.'  O  dear,  no !  what  does  a  poor  beast 
of  burden  know  about  it  ?  I  merely  want  to  say  that  it  is  unpro- 
ductive of  happiness,  as  we  understand  it,  and  it  must  be  confessed 
that  its  dust  does  blind,  or,  at  least,  disqualify  the  eye  for  seeing 
the  little  simple  pleasures  that  once  gave  great  delight." 


94 


THE  CAMELS'  PLEA. 


95 


THE  SEAL. 


UR  seals,  by  their  sarcastic  invitation  to  come  and  share  the 


V_y  cold  comforts  of  their  home  with  them,  to  study  their 
habits,  manners,  etc.,  would  seem  to  intimate  that  we  can  know 
little  of  their  characteristics  or  mental  qualities.  We  have,  how- 
ever, many  opportunities  of  knowing  some,  if  not  of  studying  all, 
their  traits  of  character,  independent  of  a  sojourn  in  their  icy  abode. 
Individuals  are  frequently  captured  and  brought  to  us,  and  are 
among  the  most  intelligent  of  all  animals.  Besides  this,  we  are 
justified  in  concluding,  from  what  their  education  brings  out  in  their 
domestic  state,  that  they  are  jolly  fellows.  A  number  of  years  ago 
a  small  seal  with  unusual  attainments  and  natural  gifts,  was  kept  as 
an  attractive  feature  of  the  varied  exhibitions  at  the  "  Aquarium." 
His  daily  obligation  was  to  exhibit  to  the  admiring  multitude 
his  many  accomplishments  in  the  way  of  pistol  shooting,  etc. 
To  be  sure,  he  had  not  yet  attained  to  any  degree  of  proficiency  in 
marksmanship  above  that  of  the  unhurt  duellist,  or  holiday  sports- 
man, though  he  had  mastered  the  preliminary  of  pulling  the  trigger 
without  trepidation,  which  is  more  than  I  may  say  of  the  many 
above  mentioned.  Music,  however,  was  his  forte.  Why,  he  could, 
with  one  flipper,  play  the  hand-organ  with  as  much  delicacy  and 
correctness  as  any  ordinary  professional !  Of  course,  a  seal  of  such 
drawing  powers  was  a  great  favorite,  and  was  allowed  many 
privileges,  and  indulged  in  whims,  which  would  have  been  frowned 


97 


93 


Humor  in  Animals. 


down  in  a  less-gifted  animal,  to  while  away  the  tedium  of  his  un- 
employed hours.  At  such  times  he  occupied  a  large  tank,  made 
for  his  special  use,  in  the  centre  of  the  great  room.  Around  this 
tank  was  a  wooden  guard  about  three  feet  high,  and  broad  enough 
on  the  top  to  form  a  convenient  seat  for  those  visitors  in  the 
vicinity,  while  some  rare  animal  or  monstrosity  was  being  displayed 
about  the  enclosure.  Occasionally  some  careless  fellow  would 
allow  the  skirts  of  his  coat  to  fall  over  on  the  inside  of  this  barrier, 
while  he  was  intent  upon  the  sights  around  him.  This  was  the 
opportunity  of  our  friend,  the  cultivated  seal.  He  would  glide  noise- 
lessly through  the  water  to  the  spot,  and  there,  without  attracting 
attention,  endeavor  to  reach  the  trailing  garment.  In  two  or  three 
instances  he  succeeded  in  doing  this,  and  pulled  the  astonished 
wearer  into  the  water  of  the  tank  ;  when  he  would  dart  about  the 
basin  in  the  greatest  apparent  glee,  now  and  then  stopping  to  raise 
his  sleek  head  above  the  surface  to  look  around,  and,  with  those 
great  human  eyes,  blink  at  the  delighted  audience,  then  down  again 
to  continue  his  gambols ! 


THE  HIPPOPOTAMUS. 


OURS  is  probably  the  most  ancient  family  of  living  quadru- 
peds ;  I  mean,  of  course,  mammals  ;  about  those  reptiles 
I  don't  know  any  thing.  They  may  have  existed  since  the 
foundation,  for  aught  I  know.  I  can  best  explain  our  lack  of  the 
element  you  seek,  by  telling  you  briefly  the  traditions  of  the 
family.  We  only  have  so  much  of  humor  as  comes  into  the  com- 
position of  other  qualities,  such  as  playfulness,  etc.,  but  not  the 
attribute  pure  and  simple,  I  acknowledge  frankly, — but  that  is 
no  fault  of  our  own.  In  the  beginning,  when  the  first  representa- 
tives of  our  family  found  themselves  a  living  reality,  they  foresaw 
the  long  line  that  would  continue  so  far  down  the  current  of  time, 
while  hundreds  of  other  races  should  spring  up,  flourish  their 
allotted  time,  dwindle,  and  die  out.  They  saw  the  necessity  of 
a  character  strong  enough  to  last  them,  and  to  assure  our  standing 
down  to  the  remotest  period  of  our  stay  upon  earth.  So,  of 
course,  with  what  foresight  we  had,  we  immediately  set  about 
providing  ourselves  with  all  possible  qualities  we  could  grasp, 
to  be  handed  down.  We  first  secured  beauty  of  person,  which 
may  have  suffered  some  by  the  lapse  of  ages,  as  beauty  will.  We 
forgot  to  include  hair  in  our  composition,  so  we  were  obliged  to 
substitute  for  covering,  a  thick  steel-gray  rind,  which  gradually 
merges  into  a  beautiful  pink  towards  the  underpart  of  the  body  ; 
that  greatly  enhances  our  beauty  and,  in  fact,  has  been  the  princi- 

IOO 


The  Hippopotamus.  101 

pal  factor  in  preserving  it  so  long.  In  short,  the  hrst  parents  of 
our  family  took  every  thing  they  could  lay  their  paws  upon,  for, 
you  must  remember,  it  was  for  their  posterity  they  were  acting, 
and  their  responsibility  was  great.  Nevertheless,  when  the  father 
of  our  race  came  to  grasp  humor,  as  a  pleasing  quality  and  one 
conducive  of  great  happiness  to  its  possessor,  the  powers  having 
the  matter  in  charge  said  he  was  a  great  pig,  and  denied  him  that 
much-coveted  attribute.  Our  position,  however,  was  then  and 
there  well  established.  Representatives  of  our  race  are  to  be 
found  in  every  walk  of  life,  and  in  abundant  numbers." 


THE  TORTOISE  HAS  HIS  SAY. 


"  T  DON'T  know,  I  'm  sure  !  I  don't  think  I  understand  what 
A  the  thing  is.  If,  however,  it 's  an  animal  trait,  I  suppose  we 
have  it  somewhere  way  down  in  the  depths  of  our  nature,  all 
secure,  probably  for  future  use.  But  many  a  shell  will  have  to  be 
lifted  by  the  slow  process  of  time,  before  we  arrive  at  any  of  those 
finer  traits  of  character.  You  see  we  are  pretty  well  back  in  the 
line  of  development,  and  are  only  now  enjoying  its  lower  attributes. 
But  some  day,  I  am  assured,  we  shall  come  to  the  full  use  of  all  the 
higher  qualities  of  the  mind  that  any  creature  possesses,  or  that 
belongs  to  animal  nature. 

"  But  if  by  humor  you  mean  jokes  and  that  sort  of  thing,  there 
is  not  as  yet  any  of  that  element  in  the  compound  of  our  nature. 
Still  we  are  often  made  the  medium,  or  means,  of  the  foolishness 
being  perpetuated.  We  are  not  yet  fleet  of  foot,  and  if,  during  our 
peregrinations,  a  wanton  boy  catches  sight  of  us,  we  are  at  his 
mercy,  except  so  far  as  the  shell  that  covers  us  affords  protection. 
I  must  say  for  their  credit,  however,  that  boys  do  not  often  show 
any  desire  to  do  us  bodily  harm,  farther  than  a  little  disfigurement. 
It  has  grown  to  be  a  custom,  handed  down  for  generations,  among 
boys,  to  carve  upon  the  back  of  a  turtle  a  date  a  hundred  years 
old  or  more,  adding  George  Washington's  initials  to  the  inscription. 
This  done,  we  are  left  to  continue  our  walk  without  farther  molesta- 
tion, and  with  the  respect  added  due  to  age  and  dignity.    It  matters 

102 


103 


104 


io6 


Humor  in  Animals. 


nothing  to  the  boy  that  we  may  have  been  hatched  no  more  than 
a  year  or  two  before,  nor  does  this  fact  seem  of  much  consequence 
to  the  discoverer,  who  is  sure  to  come  next  upon  our  tracks  the 
next  season.  He  picks  us  up  carefully,  studies  our  backs,  turns  us 
over,  makes  a  minute  inspection  from  every  point  of  view,  and 
reverendy  puts  us  down  again,  with  permission  to  move  on  at  our 
will.  Then  he  goes  his  way  to  write  an  accurate  account  of  the 
find  to  that  enterprising  journal  The  Promulgator.  He  tells 
how  the  observing  Wiseman,  ever  on  the  alert  for  any  key  to 
nature's  mysteries,  was  walking  in  the  fields  when  he  saw  what  at 
first  seemed  to  be  a  moving  clod  of  earth  or  mossy  stone.  "  On 
approaching  the  strange  object,  he  found  it  to  be  a  very  old  turtle, 
slowly  plodding  on,  with  joints  stiffened  by  age,  and  shell  jagged 
and  scored  by  the  rough  usage  of  more,  than  a  hundred  years,  as 
evidenced  by  the  date,  half  obliterated,  of  1775,  still  faintly  legible, 
and  by  some  indistinct  patriotic  motto  or  sentiment,  in  which  the 
word  country  is  just  discernible  [this  is,  of  course,  the  Wiseman's 
fancy].  And  it  is  signed  with  the  honored  initials  of  G.  W.,  still  as 
distinct  as  if  engraven  upon  the  heart  of  patriotic  America." 

In  a  column,  devoted  to  strange  facts  and  remarkable  incidents, 
of  The  Promulgator,  the  above  appeared,  together  with  accounts  01 
sea-serpents,  reported  by  ship-captains  who  would  scorn  fabrications  ; 
of  wild  men  clad  with  a  thick  coat  of  long  dark  hair,  probably  the 
result  of  long  exposure  ;  and  of  newly  invented  perpetual  motions, 
with  perhaps  a  flying-machine  just  being  completed  and  constructed 
upon  principles  that  cannot  fail  of  success. 

How  much  of  his  valuable  time  the  father  of  his  country  must 
have  given  to  the  task  of  keeping  this  important  date,  1775,  fresh 
in  the  memory  of  coming  generations,  by  carving  it  upon  the  backs 
of  tortoises  and  sending  it  crawling  down  through  succeeding 
ages  ! 


ioS 


The  End.  109 

Here  must  end  my  study  of  the  humor  of  animals. 

If  in  this  little  work  I  have  used  some  fanciful  arguments,  on 
the  other  hand,  I  have  presented  only  such  facts  as  would  furnish 
positive  or  reasonably  presumptive  evidence  of  the  truth  of  my 
theory,  that  a  sense  of  humor  is  largely,  if  not  universally,  possessed 
by  brute  creatures.  Had  my  theme  been  almost  any  other  attribute 
of  animals,  the  field  would  have  been  vastly  wider.  But  as  the 
reader  might  expect  something  more  amusing  from  the  title 
than  bare  facts  or  logical  conjecture  would  justify,  I  have  en- 
deavored to  select  such  creatures  as  would  afford  the  best  oppor- 
tunity for  expression,  character,  and  variety  in  illustration,  and 
have  allowed  each  one  to  speak  for  himself,  as  if  in  reply  to  direct 
inquiry,  assisting  his  remarks  with  such  illustrations  as  they 
suggested.  I  trust  my  work  will  be  appreciated,  at  least  by  their 
descendants,  when  evolution  has  brought  them  on  to  an  under- 
standing of  my  efforts  in  their  behalf. 


MS 


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